7/13/2012 02:16:00 AM


Made a video for this but well, its too long to be uploaded here so wasted my time ): argh. But heyy. Typing helps speaks what the mind and sometimes what the mouth can't speak.

Where to start. Just gonna type whatevers in my mind.

Its been a while and today marks the first day without tears and honestly, thank you everyone who has been texting me or sending me messages. And those who had to witness me break down so badly, i'm so sorry and thank you so much for being there.

Alright.
Lets begin...
Hello, well. Let me introduced myself, I'm Ruth, a weirdo who may have been dropped as a kid. Do you know why I say so? Cause everyones calling me crazy and stupid for what I've been doing and somehow, I'm slowly beginning to agree.

The past few days haven't exactly been the best days for me but I'm grateful for everyone who has been there to back me up. I'm slowly standing up once again.

Today, someone asked me what love meant to me and if she meant that much to me.
Well. To place it simply. What is my definition of love?

Let me tell you a story, so bare with me.(apologise for my grammatical errors bout mixing my tenses

Last year, 21st May? I met this girl. Its a really funny story cause I met her through a friend and at first, it was all awkward especially being a really shy cheeseball, didn't know how to talk to her. Eventually, we began to talk more and more and got really close.

Let me tell you something bout this girl I met. She is.. *breathes in* one of a kind.
Why? This girl, man. If you ever get the chance to meet her? Shes gonna the funniest and wittiest person you'll ever get to meet, beautiful both on the inside and the outside, loving, amazing, eccentric, adorable... Overall? There will never, I repeat. NEVER be a word in the whole dictionary to ever describe what kind of person she is cause honestly? Shes one of a kind. Shes loyal and filial to her family, to her friends and is constantly placing others before herself. So yes, shes.. amazing.. and I'm honoured to have gotten the chance to meet her.
Okay okay. Before I never stop typing, lets carry on.

We began to talk to one another every single day, online, texts, calls.. We got closer and closer.

Soon, we began to notice how similar we are. Honestly, never have I met ANYONE who knows of Best 1999 or Best 2000 and all the weird shows I've watched as a kid.. Be it physically (dimple etc.) or emotionally, we couldn't stop feeling so fascinated by how similiar we were.
However, over time, we grew older. Despite stepping out of that sweet, sugary "honeymoon phase", we didn't stop laughing, smiling with one another. We learnt we were alot more different than we thought. But that didn't stop us. We fought through all battles together, grew stronger and got more informal with one another.

We changed alot for one another and as a person. I assure you, a majority being for the good for ourselves and everything. Be it good or bad? Its up to us to decide. Cause honestly, the day you enter a relationship or a friendship, you'll notice that no one can else ever be the judge cause no one else, despite similar experiences or someone who dated alot/ have tons of friends? Would never feel the exact same way you do cause only you, alone, experienced it.

And the online calls?
Trust me, it hurts like hell. Like, crazy. When you are apart from someone you love, the thought of being unable to hold them and kiss them anytime you want. It hurts like shit. So badly.. And you wouldn't know what to do. I mean, text messages and calls may be available but when you hear that persons voice, it literally becomes music to your ears. These video calls shaped us, however it brought about its boons and banes. Eventually, leading to its consequences. For example, both of us being pretty busy people. I mean, come on, JC and Poly ain't easy at all. They are both as tough especially in this country. Having to wake up everyday at 6am and usually having to endure late nights can really kill my mood. I don't know how she does it but I thank her for enduring my horrendous moods. And when she's stressed, would do whatever I could to make her laugh. And when we are both stressed? We both become grumpy before laughing at one another. I am not asking her to thank me but more of, thanking her for all shes done right now.

Sometimes we do end up fighting, but it doesn't matter whos fault it is cause everyone has a part to play in it. Throughout this whole relationship, honestly? We've both hurt one another in many ways. Will not compare or anything but, be it any punch, slap, curse, fight whatever, the relationship to me still stay amazing. No matter how many fights, disagreements, breakups, anything negative? And us being jealous really easily?
I know we had the kind of relationship that you would never ever, so easily come across. I really have to say, we were still the cutest, adorable, most eccentric, weirdest couple you would ever see. I mean come on, when you place two weird eccentric people together, you will always get a bizarre result. But still, I love the result.

Okay, you? Yes you, the person reading this. Now imagine someone you love/like made you angry. Perhaps for being late for a date? Or accidentally spilled coffee all over your work? You know how you would have this soft spot for them which makes you forgive right after they give you those "puppy-dog" eyes or a hug or a kiss?
YES. I have a HUGE MEGA SOFT SPOT for that girl.. I don't believe in hitting or cursing anyone I love and annoyingly, can never get angry with that person. And guess what? She never fails to use her ways to make me feel bad for being angry.. I really dont know how she does it but she sure has that adorable factor, and I love it.
And me? Being no where close to being "adorable" and as pro as her? Yeah, its more of, I'm really sorry before we talk everything out.

 Over time, we learnt more bout one another. Whenever you're in a relationship, you must always work on the problem based on how you and your partners like. For example.. since i'm wearing a panda shirt right now. If I'm on a bear rampage, just feed me bamboo. And once full or calm, just tap my furry shoulder and ask what was that about
...
So yes, I'm kind of someone who respects the other person's decision, someone who trusts what you say. Not someones who is fickle minded? But more of.. I trust you know what you are doing. So if you tell me you wanna fly a plane, I'll respect your decision and just watch you fly your plane! And overtime while being with her, I learnt she wanted me to fight for her. She wanted me to know what I wanted.

So, I have been fighting. Its been tough. Made a video, came down, waiting for her. She has been walking away from me. Stop walking away from me yet start walking towards me.

Whoever reads this? Never ever, EVER stop fighting for something or someone you really want. Think to yourself and once you fix that confident thought in your head? Fight for it and don't ever stop.
Only till that moment you begin to fall ill and notice how weak you're getting. Its alright, in the future? Look back with no regrets cause you know you've tried and fought.
Yes you may have messed up big time, I know I have.
But once you've tried. You know you did try. You didn't stop.

And when you say something, you better mean what you say. Cause once you lie, you lose all your credibility. You lose that trust, it gets broken. When you mean something, say it. Say and do what you mean. So when you say something and no one believes you? Like, if this goblin seriously came up to you and told you the worlds coming to an end? You know its true, no one might believe you but stand for what you know is true cause you honestly have nothing to hide. No guilt, nothing.

Things may be tough, but its not the end of the world. (Unless a goblin comes up to you.)


So yes. No matter whatever happened and everything going badly for the past few days, it is never gonna make me feel any sense of regret bout sharing this experience with her or am I ever gonna be cursing at anyone at the moment cause it means/meant everything to me. It means/meant the world to me. So what if you've hurt me before, I honestly don't care. Cause all I would say would be, "I love you." and kiss you on the lips.

Whoever reads this, go ahead and judge me. But let me say something, anykind of relationship? Be it love or friend? Its not impossible to make the impossible, possible. I used to be really stuck to ze life quote bout expecting the unexpected and unexpect the expected? Exactly. Nothing is ever easy.

You'll stand up eventually.

So yup, thats love to me.Difficult, complicated, but yet, worth every single second of my life.
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Down with a fever and really tired. Didn't get to sleep well or much sooo. nights peeps.