1/31/2011 12:35:00 AM
Monday, January 31, 2011
a "creative" and strange way to talk bout today :D
well...
SUPER SHOW 3 LAST NIGHT WAS EPIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
it really felt amazing getting to see heechul in person :D
despite having to wake up in the early morning to meet aga and her cousin (who both queued up at 6 plus which was 2 hours earlier than me, hehe! and really sorry to ): ) it was TOTALLY WORTH IT! :D we spent almost 10 and for them 12 hours queuing but during those super long hours, we went from SUPER HIGH moments to tired.. to SUPER HIGH moments again, even to the extent of playing guess the colour of the gummy bear to pass the time, HAHAHHA!!! our lunch ended up becoming our forfeits which consisted of eating more sweets soo, sugar rush moments! :D and of course, listening to both of their generation experiences :) then ze moment we've all been waiting for eventually arrived when we went into the mosh pits! the concert was EPIC!!!!!! but feeling a little deaf right now due to the screaming :/ BUT TOTALLY EPIC!! HAHAH!!! and of course, our enthu aga "joked" bout following their vans cause it was infront of the car and even to the extent of jumping about like a bean :D HAHAH!
sooo, aga!!! if you see this! THE DAY WAS FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!!! AND SWEAR, YOU AND YOUR COUSIN ARE MAD. HAHAHA!!! the time in the queue would not have passed so quickly if not for both your crazy moments and high5-ing! :D
oh oh updates bout friday! ended school early and went to toa payoh to meet aga for lunch! :D we bought gummies to munch on for queuing the next day :D went home and collapsed on the sofa :/ wasn't exactly feeling too good and ended up sleeping and being late for the dinner ): and the dinner was AWESOME!!! felt soooo happy seeing everyone again!!! :D the dinner really pushed me through the school day :D
and for the present? tomorrow, school... bah. hope it goes well :)
maybe shall try the waffles in the school during early mornin bfast with someone i met on ze bus :)
♥
1/27/2011 11:19:00 PM
Thursday, January 27, 2011
today was the first day of school. summary?
it was pretty much like...
and then i would respond..
think im addicted to posting these GIFs :D heh heh!!!
kinda scared bout tomorrow :/ but hope it all goes well! wish everyone all the best too!!
the peeps there are really nice and they all pretty much know one another due to similar secondary or primary schools O.O and its kinda spooky when there are only 2 sc girls in the whole school O.O but but, made a few new friends :D
the environment is totally different and really miss my sc buddies :/ got a call during lunch break by celinae bout visiting sc in the afternoon with ash and man, did that make me high :D soo we went to visit for a while and went off for waffles! :D felt sooo happy seein them and a few teachers, and tomorrow, class meet up! :D YAY! that shall be mua's motivation!
really tired after filming a video :/ can't believe i posted it but heyyy, laughter is ze BEST medicine :) gonna try sleepin and reply sms-es tomorrow
nightys!
♥
1/26/2011 03:05:00 AM
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
today/ yesterday? my mood literally turned from this...
to this..
resisting and not going to give in. need to stop thinking..
let go of another chance and control is all i need for now.
but then, really missing you.should seriously just try sleeping and at most, just stare.
so bloody tired.
JAE results are going to be revealed in 5 hours.
wrote this last, last night (24 jan)
You smiled.
He snarled.
I watched.
He, whom you are laughing with?
holds a knife behind his back.
ready to kill you heartlessly and with no regrets,
finding no reason for you to be alive.
I, who wants you safe.
Can't do anything but stand behind,
constantly giving you warnings which you choose to ignore.
Unaware, behind it all?
You have already fallen into his trap.
Watching you laugh with the enemy, who hides a knife behind his back, heartlessly finding no reason for you to be alive? Just hurts.
♥
1/25/2011 06:42:00 PM
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
watching you laughing with the enemy is so pathetic.
it was a little awkward wearing it out but wore this AWESOME "My Chemical Romance" shirt yesterday :D love it soooooo much :) it shall be my lucky shirt :)
took this pic at 7 plus in the morning yesterday so eyes are kinda squinty O.O
really dont want to post this is a foul mood..
laughing.. laughing... laughing... laughed.
yesterday was honestly an amazing day till the beginning and the end killed it. didnt have much sleep and ended up sleeping for a few hours at 8am. woke up around 12, transferred a game, Worms to my phone for my bro to play, took a trip to Macs for an amazing cup of hot chocolate! and had an awesomeeee walk with a friend :) really really grateful cause really needed to get out of the house and get my mind off things so if you see this, really thanks :) then came back, had a match of worms with my bro then.. the night came?
to be frank. the morning and the night was really painful.
spent the morning sitting downstairs and staring at the school, not daring to blink at all while holding my phone in one hand and a hot cup of tea in the other. time passed quickly.. then the night, hah. lets just say it didnt go too well but talked to zahrah till 3 plus? and really grateful for that convo cause today started so much better :)
and of course how could i ever forget, pearl who woke me up this morning after plucking my ear piece out and tried tucking me to sleep but ended up causing all the cold air to rush in :/ hahah!!
to end of with a lighter note...
really like this picture soooo much, hahah!!!
♥
1/25/2011 12:15:00 AM
broken.
♥
1/24/2011 05:23:00 AM
Monday, January 24, 2011
i can't believe im still awake..
feel like going for a jog just like those sleepless nights before walking to school early in the morning for something.
but feeling really weak so, don't think i should take a risk.
maybe shall go down for bfast or something..
one more hour..
i can but know i shouldn't.
never fall into the clutches of temptation.
♥
1/24/2011 12:26:00 AM
can survive. can live through another night.
dear blog.
my head is spinning.
my energy is slowly decreasing.
im closing my eyes but im still awake.
so drained out right now..
really tempted to call someone up now.
and just cry it all out.
my head is filled with so many emotions right now.
my world is literally spinning.
can't breathe..
♥
1/23/2011 08:58:00 PM
Sunday, January 23, 2011
really needs a laugh right now.
this picture seriously doesn't suit the mood im in right now, hahah.
took this pic for fun and got bored so added a few extra details this afternoon. started wearing that hat after coming back from the dentist. the hat looks like its biting off your head soo, planned to wear as a thought-sucking thing. so it "bites" away your thoughts
back has been hurting really badly since yesterday and despite the massage from parents, it still hurts and hope it gets better soon and before school starts. have a feeling it was due to carrying the files from the bottom shelves and lifting it all with the "wrong posture" but still, it was awesome exercise and really don't mind doing it again but mum doesn't really let me go back and is cautioning me to rest, so really unsure of what to do tomorrow and the day after tomorrow.
in all these years alive? never believed in hating anyone. yeah sometimes i may not like someone but hatred is a really strong word. all these years? only one person taught me the true definition of hatred not too long ago and that person was the first person i truly hated. but even so? today, we've come to neutral and friendly terms. but right now? i really wonder why but im seriously beginning to hate someone.
seriously, stop smiling at me and stop telling me all these empty words.
nowadays im just growing so so tired.
uploaded this picture not too long ago and re-uploading it again here. when it moves? the message sent leaves a larger impact.
you agree?
♥
1/23/2011 12:36:00 AM
credits to celine for letting me use this.
finally managed to upload GIFs thanks to 2 tumblr and blogger SHI FUs, owe them big time, thanks so so much guys
dear blog.
i feel so tired and scared. to be honest, just really want to escape, hide under my blanket and just sleep the night through. but then hows that possible when its already been so hard to sleep for the past few nights. and even so, contradicting myself right now, but feeling really scared to sleep. yeah, im afraid. cause i really don't want to see them in my dreams.
have you ever thought of something, slept. "woke up", reached for your phone and jumped for joy that what you prayed and hoped for the night before, truly came true. you got out of bed and couldn't stop smiling. then the next thing you know, you've woken up again. and all of that? was just a dream. reached for your phone and saw the same number of sms-es, calls. but the totally different response. its pierces hard inside.
that day? was as though time had rewound itself and made me live through the nightmare in reality.
and then there are times when you've been running away from situations and faces, telling yourself that your wounds are healed and then when you've finally convinced yourself? you see those faces or things that gave you hope, which you've been telling yourself not to think of, ALL in your dreams. then you wake up on your bed, panting and cursing under your breath bout how it was all a dream once again..
dear mind? i honestly love you soo much for letting me see these people, whom i'll never get to see, again. and i appreciate how you are really making me raise my hopes but give me a sign that what you've been showing me is, indeed possible and im not thinking too much.
lastly, really need a laugh right now but just can't smile.
someone help me cause the left side of my chest really hurts right now.
found a song which really suits my mood now, F-in' Perfect by P!nk. downloaded both the original and clean version. guess should use the clean one for the blog huh
♥
1/22/2011 12:27:00 AM
Saturday, January 22, 2011
that dream. i finally found the courage to confess to you..
found this pic online and i seriously love it sooo much :)
first day of work today and it was pretty cool and reallyyy tiring :)
and the cool thing is it felt like i was at the gym after carrying huge piles of files from one end to another and carrying stacks out and putting them back just to find one file which may be in between the huge pile, haha.
went for ban mian with my mum and sis for dinner and collapsed on me bed the moment i reached home, heh :/
woke up at 9 plus and went for a bath. schedule sounds a little monotonous eh? hahah
but during that short nap? i seriously can't believe you appeared in it again. and what hurts even more is that it was a just another bloody dream..
you know what really gets on my nerves and just drains the energy out of me? its the fact when, when im finally able to get people out of my mind and occupy it with other stuff. these thoughts and faces come haunting me at night or in my dreams. and these dreams are good dreams.
sigh. lets think of other stuff.. going to the zoo tomorrow with ze clan members! havent been there since i was a small kiddo :/ and have to wake up superr early so should go try sleep, nightos.
oh oh, and gonna try wearing something different :)
♥
1/20/2011 01:52:00 AM
Thursday, January 20, 2011
let the memory live again.
lifes been pretty dull lately.
tuesday, spent the whole afternoon sitting on the sofa and listening to the the cds, "Eden" by Sarah Brightman and "A day without rain" by Enya, over and over again till dinner.
wednesday, woke up finding out shocking news bout KARA, spent the day playing wii tennis with bro and made music CDs for my mum
bleagh. :/ supposed to start work today but was just told will be starting tomorrow instead :/ and to come to think of it, will only be helping out for 2 or 3 days? cause schools starting next week, unless if poly, next next month? mhmm
the past few days have been a little confusing. in a sense, filled with alot of mixed emotions? and then perhaps just mood swing-y in thoughts? but yet, have been feeling a little happier after monday, hahah. somehow there are sudden moments when i just feel something and really want to type or write something out but whenever i reach for a pen or open up blogger, my mind just turns blank :/
but then theres this thing which i really want to say but is just hiding somewhere inside. believe it or not, when a song stopped playing, completely forgot what brought me to type this whole thing...
maybe im just hoping to see you again some time soon.
"
That bear. As much as we joked bout it, I really wanted to get it for you but heh. nah. Know I can’t get it for you nor give it to you sooo, im just laughing with amusement bout how foolish I was and still am.Sometimes I wish I could just go up to you. Place my hand on your fragile shoulder, turn you around, look you straight in the eye and tell you that I really want to be by your side and how much its been hurting me. If I could, I would. Sometimes I wish I could be sitting next to you, talking to you informally till I finally earn your trust. And when I do, be a shoulder for you to lean on or perhaps, a punching bag for you to whack and release your stress. Those eyes just filled with so much sadness and stress while you have no way to express it but keep it all inside yourself. And after all these years of burden, it starts to hurt till dark circles begin to appear around your eyes and you lose more weight. And while all this happens, I can’t do anything but just watch from behind. Soon words start to spread and part of your history gets revealed. It hurts me so much to hear the news which only consist of only a small portion of what you’ve been going through. To think, what else could be causing you so much pain? Every time we walk past, you just close your eyes and nod or either reply with a look with a head held high, whenever I greet you. Days, weeks, months, have passed. Now you are alone and so am I. Thinking to myself, how much I just want to be next to you and tell you its all alright, that someone is there for you and you aren’t alone. But then as much I really want to or hope to, I can’t cause, I’m not allowed to. All this while, I’ve just been watching from behind. And whenever I shouted for you? You never heard me. To be honest, I really miss you and perhaps I’ll never get your face again but, I really wish you all the best. And I guess I should really stop hoping huh?No matter how the future goes all I ask is for you to smile, cause your happiness? Is everything I need to know you’re alright. Honestly, sometimes I wished, I was more than nothing to you. "
♥
1/18/2011 12:31:00 AM
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
your smile never fails to make my day.
to be frank, that small moment? was something i've been yearning for, for months now. that moment when you were standing just right in front of me, smiling.
even though it was just for a few seconds and perhaps the last, im just really glad to see you smile :)
mhmmm!!! im a little high right now :) and after an awfully long time :D heh heh!!
hmmm. bleagh. but then, monday is over and its a tuesday now. sigh, really wasn't looking forward to the end of monday cause not too sure how lifes going to be from tuesday onwards and never forgetting, another day closer to start of school :/ mixed feelings i guess, just really hope they tell us which school we've got into soon
well, end of monday also meant end of the last day with an official reason to go back to school. sigh, felt good going there today/ yesterday while wearing the class T :) and of course, seeing all our teachers again! :D and sometimes we just can't stop rejoicing bout our 100% distinctions in 4co's full lit eh? heh heh!!! :D YAY full lit! :)
went back with ning, zahrah and cel to talk to 3co as requested and i really gotta say 3co? is a really good bunch of peeps :) may not really know them well nor do they know us? but had a lot of fun being in their class today and believe in them doing well :) trust that they will be achieving much this year and next :) it feels good stepping into our old classroom too, its just like watching the new batch of juniors step into our shoes and take over us, sigh. nostalgia but its a really touching thought :)
really envious of them and all the students in sc right now, hahah :)
after the whole talk, went over to cel's place to help zahrah with her auditions :D wish her all the best for later!!! even had to honour to borrow 2 cds :D ones sarah brightman's "Eden" and the other Enya, "A day without rain" :D
soooo happy cause haven't heard such beautiful songs from this genre for such a long time :D so listening to them now and really eager to listen to them with a better sound system if i can fix the speakers near the tv :)
and another thing to look forward to tomorrow!!! bfast with deb at macs!! MUAHAHAHA! haven't eaten macs for soooo long *drools* and really broke so hope i just enough to buy hotcakes or something, sooo in love with hotcakes.....
man, getting hungry.
alrighto, so its the end of a beautiful day and another amazing tomorrow, shall go back to listening to music, peace! :D
♥
1/16/2011 01:14:00 AM
Sunday, January 16, 2011
sometimes i honestly wished you were still beside me telling me these wounds will heal and to hang on cause im beginning to lose strength.
you know how they say a picture speaks a thousand words? yeah. lets let this picture speak my story for today. cause right now? i feel like im being strangled, especially with a cough to add on to the burden.
i'm just stuck speechless.
so many emotions flowing through my head right now.
♥
1/15/2011 08:13:00 PM
Saturday, January 15, 2011
lost.
im actually still smiling.
call me slow but just started watching this korean drama, You're Beautiful. heard this song and fell in love with it the instant i heard it. the song thats playing now? its called Without words and there are two versions. one by Park Shin Hye and the other by, Jang Geun Suk.
the song playing now may not seem much especially when its being sung in a language pretty foreign language to us but somehow, theres something bout it. something special. haha, maybe it just really suits the mood im in right now or perhaps, just really makes me think of stuff.
really wanted to take a walk but judging from how its still raining and the time, its gonna be difficult. Sigh. Well, really looking forward to Monday. Apart from being able to go back, will be helping zahrah out with her singing/drama auditions with cel after that. Really really happy for her bout going through the first round and believe she will do awesome for the next :)
Monday is the last day we’ve been given an official reason to go back and after that, may not be able to go back as often as before. Mhmm. Schools bout to start soon and might be working as a volunteer from tuesday onwards to keep my mind occupied for a few more days before school officially starts.
sometimes i just wished people would stop appearing in my dreams.
♥
1/14/2011 11:20:00 PM
Friday, January 14, 2011
im resisting........
im not going to break tonight. nor am i going to talk bout it. think bout it.
im pushing it away. please go away.. im pleading.
you know whats stupid?
one part of me tells me..
i can't take it. it hurts. it freaking hurts and its killing me. can't breathe.
another part tells me..
don't give in. don't let your emotions take over you. ignore the voices in your head. you will heal one day.
hah. do you know how i feel like? weak. fragile. like a small kid.
a small kid who is hiding in one small corner, curled up and shivering in fright. hiding away from the shadows which are constantly whispering in my ear.
"there is no escape."
really like this quote by an ad tagger. "There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power."
♥
1/14/2011 12:47:00 AM
grateful to have seen someone yesterday afternoon despite it being kilometers away.
hate feeling so weak. so fragile.
sometimes i wish i had a cold heart. a heart made of nothing but pure ice. so that way i wouldnt have to feel any emotion. be it happy or sad. i would so easily move on. so easily get over things. so easily say good bye. if so? i would never need to shed a tear. never need to lose sleep. never need to suffer from the lack of oxygen as these gasps turn to coughs.
that quote above? need to master that.
♥
1/13/2011 12:43:00 AM
Thursday, January 13, 2011
that one moment i saw you smile. a smile which actually expressed true happiness.
that smile? was beautiful
fell ill the night before the releasing of the O Level results and finally saw the doc last night after waking up without a voice and one that sounds like a duck. man it hurts so badly right now but the numbing effect should help it :)
hmmm. finally sent in the application and really hope i get my first choice :) maybe not be the best school or anywhere near but really hope it all goes well. really love my sis and parents sooo much right now, heh heh! went for the open house today and have decided to join taekwando! :D but that is if i get in.. so shall not think too much right now :)
do you expect me to be smiling back when you are constantly slapping me across the face?
honestly, i've got nothing much to say. staying silent.
♥
1/10/2011 11:58:00 PM
Monday, January 10, 2011
what a pity.
thats the thing. you know whats really piss-ifying? its the fact how those who thrived and did soooo excellent are the ones who are approached, pat on the back and asked, where do you want to go? and the rest who may have cried for bad or beyond awesome grades are avoided. and lets not forget those who don't expose their grades. no one dares to go near them. so the days go by and these "people" sit back and wait. waiting for a larger exposure before they start gossiping. and therefore, this is just part of our discriminative society and dont you dare deny it...
man. having a sorethroat now and it makesme sound as though im going through puberty. wish i had something soupy :/
sooo the day has come and everyone knows their grades. congrats to those who did awesome and those who feel like they could have done better, lets all not give up and continue to do our best! really happy for me friends who did beyonddd awesome :)
thanks sooo much for the smses this morning and last night plus to my teachers too for the smses and words. finally made a decision with my parents and sis. never thought i would ever be in this place and spot right now but just hope the future goes well!
and honestly? most of all? just grateful to be able to receive an opportunity to study and a supportive family by my side :)
but out of every grade i got today? bio was seriously the most painful one..
and to other thoughts? perhaps the next post. todays been a really tiring day so nights.
♥
1/10/2011 01:04:00 AM
no matter how much i curse, how much i pray. theres nothing i can do
surprisingly not pissed. but yet my heart is beginning to grow numb.
someone broke my guitar strings.. but the irony is that person tuned my other strings and really fail to believe it was a lizard who did it.. argh... spent 40 bucks plus of savings to repair it 2 months ago and its broken. really don't want to borrow my mum's cash so shall save up this year and repair it soon or perhaps get a job dependent if theres time before school starts?
O level results are coming out today! all the best everyone :)
Taking a final glimpse at my watch,
I muttered to myself,
"7.15".
Staring at the whole line ahead of me,
i let out a heavy sigh.
Its been an hour and we were still far behind.
The night sky was beautiful as i looked out for the stars,
listening to soothing music that played in my ears that started to set a perfect mood.
Suddenly, something caught my eye.
It was a young boy playing with a green balloon.
And even better.
Behind him was you and your partner.
You looked the same.
Same hair, same size, same everything.
You never changed from the last time i saw you.
Both of you leaned against one another shoulders as you smiled,
watching the little boy play with that one green balloon.
Time passed slowly as i couldn't stop staring.
A happy little family.
Soon, the balloon started to bounce towards my direction,
causing the young boy chase after it excitedly.
He started to scream after it as he took larger steps.
Then it hit me.
Bent down, reached for it and returned it to him.
He thanked me with a wide grin and ran off.
The smile he gave me expressed not only gratitude but ignorance and innocence.
Ignorance to what was going on,
and innocence from a carefree life.
I smiled to myself as i watched him run back to you.
How lucky.
Our eyes eventually met as i gave a slight nod.
You gave me a last look and turned around,
holding on to your partner's arm which laid over your shoulder on your left,
and holding that young kid's hand on your right.
All i could do was stare,
watching you slowly disappear into the darkness.
And that was the last time i saw you ever since.
The next song started to play,
a song which was once meant for you.
"Hah."
Recovering, I let out another sigh.
The thin line on my face turned into a small smile.
Muttering under my breath,
my final words meant for you.
"Take care."
last day.
♥
1/08/2011 11:57:00 PM
Saturday, January 8, 2011
man. calvin and hobbes will forever be my favourite comic :D
hmmm. today/ yesterdays been a deep day. gonna try to sleep and not think bout anything and the next thing we know, we are gonna be in the hall waiting for our results, bleagh.
peace.
♥
1/07/2011 11:56:00 PM
Friday, January 7, 2011
im here without you baby but youre still in my dreams. but tonight, its only you and me
-3 Doors Down (Here without you)
this is gonna be an abnormally long post O.O
mmm. o level results are coming out soon and can't deny the fear within me. sigh. and guess what? after the almighty and feared, "10 Jan", it will officially be our last school day in sc. went to an open house today and all that rings in my head is how much I never thought this day would come and that strong yearning of sitting on my chair, place my books on the desk and look around the 4co classroom.
After graduating, the moment you step into sc, apart from the admit-tingly, annoying way the security guard talks to us (especially after yesterday), everything is different. You've already passed down that vacancy that was once yours to your juniors. and no matter how much you reminisce or fight back, its just a fact you can't change cause its just how you would say, part of life.
there are some things im afraid to post due to obvious reasons. noticed something. part of me in how i post has really changed. used to post things indirectly with a message or meaning behind every "poem" but stopped after a certain thing happened. haha. just reread a few posts during certain moments and noticed something..
apart from all the "love" talk and the thoughts of dying to numb the pain (heh heh). its pretty much a summary of letting go and facing reality. that didnt really change much eh, heh heh. embarrassed :/ but you know something? every word i read and every memory and messages i once wanted to express comes back to me and the whole thing just plays in my head as though watching a movie, hahah nice. and most importantly, from every post, it just reminds me of how i kept lying to myself that tomorrow every thing was going to be the same and that every thing would go back to normal and never forgetting, how someone told me something bout my thoughts being a little heh. well, that really impacted me.
hmmm, reading on..
but theres this one post that really caught my attention :)
[5/27/2010 01:07:00 AM]"Today I say bon voyage as I burn the memories we once had.peace."that was the day i finally managed to move on alot better after a year.
and of course, the convo with my a/e math tutor which i seriously owe big time to! :D
but reading these words today, it pretty much shows me the clear paths and routes i should be taking right now and answering all my doubts and worries today but yet comes along the phrase, "its easier said than done"
[6/03/2010 09:17:00 PM]"talked to me math tuition teacher today and apart from emath, learnt alot more."how do you forget someone?""someone? as in, someone important to you?""i guess so""like someone who is mean to you?""yeah, okay. lets take it as that, mean.""if the person is mean then why remember the person?""ehh, true. what if the person is nice to you?""then, if that person is going overseas or away, just remember the person will forever remain in your heart. urm.. its not like a boy-girl relationship thing right?""HAHHAHA NOOOO. but yeah.""mmm okay""but yeah, just wanted to ask randomly how you forget someone who is nice and another who is mean.""well, if the person is mean, then it would be illogical to remember the person? and if the person is nice and the person is leaving, then remember that that person will forever be in your heart and that if its fated, you guys will meet one day in the future.""true. thanks""and something written by a younger self of this weird flesh and blood 2 years ago
[6/16/2009 09:14:00 PM]"They said i was crazy,they called me insane.Waiting just for youunder this dark, cold nightas each day passes right before my eyes.i sat where we first met,where we made this treasured memory.Holding the telescope to my eyes,gazing into the stars hoping for a sign.There i saw you dancing among the stars,dancing gracefully as you smiled back.I could not help but smile as i looked back at you.This could not be true.I closed my eyes and looked into the sky.It was a hallucination.I let my weight fall back to the ground,laying the telescope next by my side.Closing my eyes as i laid my arm over my face.Ignoring all those words i once heard.Wondering if you still remember.Waiting just for you,to come back to the place where we first met.Even till today,I sit here under these starshoping for it all to go back the way it was before."and so despite the changes in me, im pretty much still ruth and pretty much still a person who finds it difficult to let go of things and im not ashamed?
but then those are moments when it really makes myself hate it..
firstly? hate how i keep thinking things would be back to normal when i know it won't. sometimes wishing that you would be able to see the pain in my eyes and that expression my smile hides when you see me. containing the urge to go up to you, whack you and laugh with you just like how we used to as i let out a large smile and snap a picture. but what right do i have cause life carries on and lets see how it goes.
secondly, to another? hate how im always hoping to see you but whenever it becomes highly possible, you vanish. can't stand all the extents and things i've done and carried out for you when you honestly aren't worth all these sacrifices but as much as i hate saying this, miss you so.
but despite these two things, just going to relate back to what my tutor talked to me bout, heh.
got to be stronger
♥
1/07/2011 11:38:00 PM
honestly? lifes been really tough lately.
but what right do i have to say? still hanging on.
♥
1/04/2011 09:04:00 PM
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
don't fuckin mess with me.
you know how they say don't post something when you are pissed? mmm. agreed. but today? if i miss this chance, will never get to express how i feel ever again.
DUDE.. have you ever heard the word, appreciation? simple.. one word is all you need.. DUDE. SERIOUSLY??? everyone are humans and what right do you have to damn another of your own bloody kind? aren't we all warm blooded? or are you all perhaps just f-ing cold blooded to spread it this far? im asking you. seriously. call me over protective. call me a bitch. call me whatever you want. but listen. you touch anyone of the people on this list. you've got to mess with me first. no? then move off.
mmm perhaps im being bias but hey. if i held a dagger by the neck of someone important to you, then you would stab me too right? so seriously, im waiting coward. im not afraid of you.
and to another..
dudette? whats wrong with you? are you afraid? am i scary? then hurry tell me. don't do whatever you are doing cause you seriously don't know what kind of impression you are leaving. im open to anything, shouldn't you know that by now?? so just say it. cause while you are keeping all inside, its as though you are lying through your teeth as you smile or talk to me. and little do you know how i've took notice of it a long time ago. so hurry, i'll be waiting.
and thus, maybe i do have a problem. but hey, im just being the way i am right?
♥
1/04/2011 01:36:00 AM
beautiful smile.
mmm, today's the first day of school. pretty envious :)
♥
1/03/2011 03:03:00 AM
Monday, January 3, 2011
Stuck in the past.
hellooo! and morning :) changed a few stuff on me bloggae! description, pics soo, shall consider it as a "new upgrade" to, as much i hate saying it but, new year :/
packed my desk a few days back and sooo glad for the awesome transformation :D but then, gonna have a problem putting my study lamp somewhere. >:/ but but! sc stays within us forever :)
my darling baby-Gs :)
stopped playing allores after getting stuck in some unknown place with enemies literally with level "???" >:( was kinda annoyed cause finished the most difficult quests and was kinda high leveled. and come on, who would have known i wouldn't be able to return if i boarded the ship!?! ):
everytime i try to go to the portal, i get killed by water eternals or orcs!!!! with attacks literally as high as 50k with my life only being a few hundred?? bleagh.
but on the bright side!!! :D managed to download lunia!!!! WOOHOO! :D and meano wenqian doesn't want to join me due to reasonable reasons :/ heh heh! not sure if she'll see this but, i've been killing blobs and snowmen alone!!
mmm, lunia changed alot o.O but still prettae awesome :D and surprisingly, in 2 days? im level 4o plus already? :D and to add on the awesomeness!!! I'VE GOT A PET CAT! :D
its name is, fuzz! *grins*
as cute as it is, it doesn't really do much but follow me around and give off this "blop!" sound when it hops behind me O.O but hey! ITS CUTE! :D
took these screen shots at the beginning of the day soo was still on the verge of increasing me level :)
ohhh and suddenly part of this "taeyeon" from snsd guild on lunia O.O strange but heh, the person was nice? :D
well, what can i say? games are good distractions.
♥
1/01/2011 03:54:00 AM
Saturday, January 1, 2011
a little note written.
" A painful walk home.
its here. a year which many of us thought would take forever to arrive. the year, 2011. it feels weird writing a "11" instead of the numbers "10". Year 2010 really changed me in so many ways. it taught me so much and to be honest, really owe my buds from the clan, who seriously helped me get through so many tough moments this year and even till today. and the people whom I really got to thank, trust me. the words, "thank you", will never be able to express the gratitude felt.
can't believe its the start of a new year again. Really detest the feeling of having to get used to a new environment and adapting the habit of writing a different number. and the moment we get used of doing that all and finding life going smoothly? it all ends as the cycle repeats itself. its like, finally getting used to something and a few "seconds" later, its over while another new beginning enters.
life is somewhat like a game. the stages represent the different years and the characters represent the people in your life. you go through the stages and notice different environments with the different characters in it. despite the stages still having a small number of characters from the first few stages, they tend to "vanish" as the game progresses. its somewhat reflecting on how you'll meet these people for a certain period of time but after a while, its different. saying, people come in and out of your life. but then. the difference in life is that, it always takes 2 hands to clap. and both parties to put in effort to keep in contact and making this "relationship" possible. and of course, lets not forget. life has no pause or restart buttons.
so when you do one mistake? take note. it scars you forever..
sigh. really need to get this all out of my chest.. 2011 has always been a, little reluctant to face, year since years ago, cause its the year when we are somewhat said to be, officially? graduated from scgs. and especially with peeps from the clan sending one another really deep and touching sms-es, its hard not to shed a tear, smile to yourself and reflect on how much we've all been through. really envious of those people who are happily smiling and looking forward to 2011. indeed its a "new beginning" but you know what are my last few words i've got to say before the year 2010 ends?
"I just wished they knew how much pain they've inflicted upon me as well as know how hard it is and was to bear the pain with them remaining oblivious to all that was going on."
But no matter these emotions, grateful for my buds and the people who have been there for me during these tough moments as well as till today.
And thus, here I take my 90 degrees bow, bidding farewell to an amazing of year of 2010.
Thank you and happy new year. "
♥
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