It's kinda hard to escape the fact that 2010 is bout to come to an end especially when you see lots of people talking bout it on fb or having family plans. Sigh. It seemed like only yesterday I detested the fact it was going to be 2007 and entering secondary school was something really frightening. And today? I've already graduated from secondary school. And got to admit, really upset bout 2010 ending. To be frank? 2010 is one of the best years of my life being alive :) And the two things that really made it special is 4co and red cross.
The ending of 2010 feels like the ending of our secondary school days, which is in fact true but. Think a majority of us are missing school already. Miss waking up early and having 4co as a motivation and something to clear all your troubles as it makes you smile. Not only because you know your good friends are there but cause you can be yourself. Sigh. Better start plannin for a class meet up. Shall start today
And on another note, this year was also the year that made me in a sense stronger, and more open to some things which my class kinda know bout. And of course grateful to my buds who accept me for the way I am, bother to listen to my rantings when I'm really upset and of course support me all this while :) love you guys :)
It was late in the evening and just left the botanics. Was walking out and saw a look a like. Ran after the car to determine if it really was you but couldn't really tell. The side profile was exactly alike. And the moment the car drove osongs certain song played. Ouch. May have felt a little bothered but as the song played on, lifted my head and agreed as I sniggered. You just won't do the same.
♥
12/29/2010 01:06:00 AM
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
my interesting nighttt :/
this is really embarrassing but shall think of it as something to laugh bout in the future when i see this ...
part 1: blur look. part2: laugh like crazy with sisterrr bout how awesome a drink is. part 3: smile like a weirdo at the camera :D
most memorable part of the night:
*starts dancing on the stairs* sis: ruth, ruth, ruth..... *stares* me: sorry jie ):
HAHAHAHA IM SADLY HIGH. for those who know whyyyy, HAHAH YAY? HELLO! :D a little dizzy now though :/ im excited for tomorrows meet up!!! gonna sell a few bookaes then lunchin then another meet up with a few old pals :D
and have been playing this game called, allods to keep my mind off thinking and its been pretty successful?
was at first a gibberling then changed to an elf! :D AREN'T GIBBERLINGS CUTE! :D
im a sad soul ):
♥
12/28/2010 01:23:00 AM
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
im trying my best. managed to find my favourite page of one of the calvin and hobbes book online :) really love calvin and hobbes comics, heh heh. shall read one of the books before going to sleep and perhaps make the day end better
bought alot of ice cream today :) and waffles! while my sis bought sparkling grape juice (after changing our minds from buying sparkling wine) :D sooo my bro, sis and i ended up having a little "feast" with it :)
excited for the lunch meet up with agi tomorrow! muahhaha, nights :)
♥
12/26/2010 11:35:00 PM
Sunday, December 26, 2010
its been a tough day.
(ps:really sorry bout my playing and singing, did my best :/ ) a simple song dedicated to an extraordinary friend. not sure you will hear this but, really thank you for shaping me to be who i am today. sincerely apologise for not being a good friend leading how distant we've grown. but still, im honoured to have met someone like you and is truly grateful for all that you've done for me. from the bottom of my heart, thank you. and also, im sorry
well, its time to take the next few steps. happy new day..
even if we "make progress", it doesn't mean we are giving up or letting go completely of things or the people. but just, like a friend once told me, "letting the wound slowly heal by itself instead of shouting at it to heal." and once again, not really a person who lets go of things easily. and even though it can be sometimes (or mostly) seen as a disadvantage, hey. we are humans after all and we do have the right to feel or emote.
♥
12/25/2010 11:25:00 PM
Saturday, December 25, 2010
not going to break tonight..
HAHAH. yeah. to come to think of it all now, i was a really nonsensical, heartless, disillusioned, ignorant bitch. am honestly? i still am. especially with the word, disillusioned. and why, you ask? cause i think things that have changed, still can be "reclaimed". to be played back again. for time to rewind. and more stupidly, to be the way things were. and a better term to describe me? a pathetic fool.
every day i close my eyes, i just see things. see the past. its like, a nightmare but still awake. only last night it wasn't as bad especially after talking to my buds and hugging a toy to sleep.
every day im telling myself, "just let go" and like what my friends always tell me, "things change" thats all that plays in my mind at night and sometimes in the day. simple! 5 words. "just let go" and "things change" and everytime it does, im just whispering to myself that i can't. the stupid idiotic me just can't.
and perhaps thats why im growing weaker. more tired and having mood swings at night. to those who experienced it, im sorry. and perhaps the reason why i can't throw away so many of my stuff. my papers for sec4. the pieces of papers written with promises and the "inspirational" quotes to push me to study harder after the thing that happened at the end of last year bout my studies. yeah, to those who know, congrats i guess. cause, it feels like throwing it away and finally letting go, leaving it all behind. nothing stays the same.
and to whoever reads this. i know what you may think. think why not just let go and move on. move on and carry on with life and look forward to the the future. the future which holds so much for us that we are unaware of yet. let me tell you something. its hard. its hard when there are so many regrets filled inside which you blame yourself for and another thing? when someone's face keeps appearing in your mind when you look at something related to that person or hear that person's name.
apologise to those people whom ive been telling to smile, cheer up and say things which i really hope will make them feel better. cause in reality. im actually going against all the words i said. being a hypocrite.
tomorrow onwards im going to try my best to make progress. just give me one more day.
feeling so drained out right now. tired.. please. im on my knees begging you. just let me have a good nights sleep tonight. let me feel pain or whatever tmr but please, just let me sleep tonight.
♥
12/25/2010 04:22:00 AM
No one is considered a coward for crying.
Really wished I knew how to play last Christmas on the guitar :/
Honestly? It seriously feels so much better after letting it all out. Thanks Celinaee for bothering to listen to my nonsense and if you do see this, really thanks :) seriously grateful to pearl who called later and we ended off chatting for another hour, hahah, if you see this, really thanks :) Perhaps I say this a little too much but really, thank you and love you guys :)
Christmas. The day when I prepare a long, lame and "comical" Christmas message and save all my contacts in draft. Waiting for it to strike 12am before mass sending everyday and get killed for my phone bills at the end of December but this year is different I guess.
Really excited for tmr/ today 's party :) really excited in meeting up with the clan after super long and the dress code makes it all soooo much more interesting. But heyy, wearing a skirt and more "feminine" clothes will be fun :)
And for this Christmas, really love the gifts I got which are, havin an awesome family and great friends :) and like how the kukumalu (?) pencil case always says," above all life treasures" :D love you guys to the max and nothing will make me change that thought :)
Once again, merry Christmas everyone :)
♥
12/24/2010 03:23:00 AM
Friday, December 24, 2010
I'm sorry but it's not as easy giving a genuine smile just like it was in the past. Finally figured that out.
Can't sleep once again and didn't take medication soo perhaps it might take a while but for now, music is my medication :)
Started packing my place today and only finished one part of it and shall continue to my desk tmr! Kinda dreading it cause kinda store secret stuff there which I tell myself of laughing bout in the future and admit it still doesn't fail to make me laugh and smile to myself all thnks to the clan and our strange encounters but it really gets me thinking bout the past. So guess that's where the dread comes from huh? Hahh. But once I pack the top, gonna place my class photos there and don't really want to throw the relay and email list though. Gotta plan a class meet up soon and never forgetting, better start sending the notifications and settle the other details whn Linda get back :)
It's really heartbreaking throwing away all the test papers, notes an worksheets. It really gets you thinking bout how fast everything has passed and how much we've all gone through, never thinking the time when os would come to an end, would in fact come to an end so quickly, sigh. Seriously can't bear to throw them especially the notes from maths and bio tuition. Miss my tutors and really grateful to them :) kept all my files and textbooks just in case I guess.. Every worksheet and subject hinders a different memory.
Really grateful for these two, well one day/s of rest before sat's party and perhaps the first time I'm gonna wear a skirt after thousands of years... Sounds weird being tired from goin out and having fun but it's been a litle draining I guess and an occupied mind makes it a little more draining but still smiling and appreciating the moments :) sooo. Helloo! :D sigh.
Really not in the mood to go out right now, surprisingly. But you know what's the most awesome "outing" one could have right now? Or perhaps an indirect remedy to the soul? A peaceful walk with a friend. Swear that would really make things feel better. Heh back tothat walk thought again but walking buds are either overseas or busy or facing difficulties meeting up right now ): just wished there was still school. Things would be so much easier especially when meeting up with peeps to randomly walk or play bball after stressful day :) brings back memories from the late evenings after study camp..
It's lame but. When I close my eyes right now, I imagine the red track in sc. It's like, walking round and round the track and it's bright and sunny with a gentle breeze lightening the atmosphere. :) sigh. Anyone up for a walk just tell me, it would do so much for the soul :) for now just substituting with night jogs with my shadow
*shrugs and continues imagining the track*
Feel like a kid right now but proud of it :)
The dark atmosphere really gets your brain thinking :) especially the silence when everyone around is sleeping with only their silent snoring breaking the silence
Peace and quiet.
♥
12/24/2010 02:02:00 AM
lets just say its been a rough day..
seriously can't bear to throw any more stuff away.. hahah once again, im not exactly the type of person who lets go of stuff easily i guess. mmm which is pretty much a huge disadvantage perhaps? but heyy. we're humans after all.
♥
12/22/2010 01:29:00 AM
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
My bro just got me high. Blasting music with my speakers while my sis is reading her book. Still can't sleep and fedac not working.. Well at least it's a comfy night with me school shorts on :D
Listenning to numb by linkin park, mmm.
♥
12/21/2010 09:55:00 PM
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
heres a story made during an interesting msn convo with celinaee, hahha! it starts off with celinae then the ending gets pretty random o.O but heyy, its an awesome story and how it started? mm, simply based on one experience we both went through before soo its really cool, enjoy
(credits to tumblrs)
♥
12/21/2010 12:26:00 AM
i swear im starting to hate the facebook update bout who just accepted whose friendship and what not.. closing my eyes to another new scene.
really wanted to upload a video of this song and guitar playing thing but seriously screwed it up.. re-played the song non-stop over and over again last night and the night before. and the number of videos recorded and times played took over 50 times, killed my phone's battery and 4 batteries for the camera.. decided to stop for the night cause dad asked us to sleep. next day, woke up with a blister on my thumb.. kinda annoyed but hey! it will cure sooon :)
parents just drugged me with fedex to make me tired. but still feeling quite awake. going off the com and back to reading my book then next thing i know, it will be tomorrow! meeting up with a few old primary school friends so pretty excited :) its been years since i last saw them :) hahah
went for a jog and lots of thoughts rushed into my head i guess. :/hmmm. will type it out another time cause bro is behind me, mmm.
night?
♥
12/20/2010 06:09:00 AM
Monday, December 20, 2010
Right now is usually the time to get up to go to school especially on the days I venture in super early to see stuff. It's a routine I guess. Walk to the courtyard, sit down and chat with Ariel and aga. Soon Maryanne will join us and spunk up the mood. 6.50, look up and spazz. 7am, the alarm in my watch with the Elmo in the middle rings, go to the general office and collect class key, come back and see celinae there in the circle and soon Thea comes along with all her art stuff then ning with either her tired eyes or super alert expression. Then the bell rings, song plays as we all pick up our bags and scurry front and immediately turn around as we play our "game". Sing national anthem, school song, hear announcements. Stand and rush up to class with Deborah to unlock the class doors. Switch on the fans and lights, sit at spot and sleep for a while till Ariel comes in, whacks me and go, "EH MAN WAKE UP" and celinae and Sarah going," GUESS WHO I SAW" as we all turn around to listen. Sigh, good times, good times...
♥
12/20/2010 05:19:00 AM
Pain has no sound.
The insomnia is killing me and draining the energy out if me.. Had a slight fever and a severe headache today. Parents think it's cause I sleep too long but trust me, really doubt that's the reason. Apart from refraining me from eating panadols with regards to the kidney or something, they pretty much just think I'm staying a wake or fun and end off scolding me cause they think I'm playing a fool or something but think they finally believed me when I stared them straight in the eyes and told them, "do you seriously think I don't want to sleep?!?" so yeah, told mum I'm desperate for sleeping pills but shes kinda reluctant :/ understand where she's goin though.
I sound like a babbling fool who is under medication or something. The lack of sleep is messin with me brain. MUAHAHA :)
Hmmm yesterday.. Don't want to think of the scoldings that occurred and will admit I'm at fault but just seriously hate it when people shout at me or agree to something then disagree at the end. But like they say, parents care for their childs future and what not I guess..
Sigh. There's a full moon tonight.
♥
12/19/2010 03:03:00 AM
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Yesterday/ today didn't go too well.. Sigh. Updates later I guess. Just bought 2 new horror/mystery genre books :) gonna spend my afternoon researching and reading especially after having no job again.. Don't know how to talk to my second manager when they call... Bleagh. Got to admit the covers of the book look pretty gruesome but hey, as they always say, never judge the book by it's cover :) surprisingly at chapter eight right now and still quote awake, ignoring the fact I woke up at 4 yesterday but yeah :/ a super slow reader soo it's a pretty big achievement :) haha
got to sleep or else about to get another scolding... It's already been a week.
♥
12/18/2010 02:24:00 AM
Saturday, December 18, 2010
scribbles of the weird. finally learnt a new song on the guitar last night and honestly? dont intend to learn a new one tonight cause eh heh yeah. new song usually = no sleep :/
really really grateful for the person who gave me this book, which is now a diary to store my inner thoughts, on teachers day. not sure if that person will see this but, really, thank youu :)
and to pearly who i have a feeling will see this, hello! and thanks so so much for today :) and btw, found the dude you talked bout via sources. heh heh
hmm. as learnt during full lit. internal conflict? two scenes played last night. after writing it all out? no more thoughts tonight, nights :)
♥
12/17/2010 12:45:00 AM
Friday, December 17, 2010
can't even finish sing the bloody song without shedding a tear. self control is what i truly need.
wrote this all out last night with illegible handwriting. heh. somehow able to write out my thoughts instead of typing it nowadays, cool.
"you know what is stupid? the fact how pictures you find on tumblr tell you not to give up, not to let go of things you know you can fight for, and its painful waiting but yet at the end of the day, its ALWAYS worth it. go to the next few posts and there you see other pictures telling you, oh, sometimes we just have to let go. "let go", hah. people who make these pictures and tumblr? honestly, really look up up to them, in how they express their feelings and what not. its really something worth respecting which is also later reflected in the number of followers they have hm? but guess thats the only thing that puzzles me but yet at the end? its all reality. which makes the situation aloof. cause sometimes we just take and make these choices which may end off with a totally different ending despite choosing the opposite choice.
really dont want to spend constant nights crying. really dont want to spend every night upset. but yet we do have a choice right? like anyone would say, "if you dont want to, then dont't?!" but then, have they felt this pain? do you truly know how it feels? do they really understand? i love my buds giving me great advice on this and im grateful for them offering to listen. its not that im not willing to do such but, do you honestly think sleeping at 5 every night is fun? something worth being proud of? no, its not. every night im forcing myself to sleep and when it doesn't work? i read or play my guitar. getting scolded by my parents when asked what time i slept, scolded for being lethargic in the afternoon, waking up late in the afternoons, not understanding why i can't sleep. do you know why im in this stage insomnia once again? few weeks ago before the end of nov, went to the docs for medication, to force me to sleep and out of insomnia. you know whats more upsetting? is that those two people who have brought me here under my own guilt does not know. and yes, with regards to my own fault, one of them now doesn't know my 5 o'clock "routine" is due to that. the other was long forgotten till i admit, spotted a few days ago. every night i close my eyes and see things replay. scenes that i love and hate. never knowing whats on your mind.
you told me you would always be there for me, but then where are you when i'm crying so badly bout the same situation. haven't we gone through so much already?
and to the other? you've hurt me so many times with that heartless smile on your face, but yet? im still standing, staring clueless back at you with nothing but holes within me
to add salt to the wound, really miss school and red cross. imagine, walking into class, chatting and disturbing other people as everyone wears a smile on their face. after school, off to clan lunch with the clannies as we spazz over the people we see and korean updates :) then thursdays? red cross, whacking and disturbing my levelmates as well, just being yourself as you forget bout all the troubles in your mind, carrying on and watching the cadets who will all one day take over us. in school a majority of peeps wear a smile on their face, giving them motivation to carry on cause in school? its like a second home"
♥
12/16/2010 12:00:00 AM
Thursday, December 16, 2010
you are back. it feels as though someone is strangling my neck...
ive finally forgotten bout you but yet somehow, you've found you way back into me. and thats when it sucks, cause no matter how much i tell myself or thought, it was all over, you were indeed still in there all along..
do you know how it hurts? how much it kills?
♥
12/15/2010 01:41:00 AM
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
waking up with tears in your eyes. lost for words.
have been sleeping at 5am in the morning and waking up at 12pm for the past few days. at least having at least 7 hours of sleep yeah? hah.
well, finally got a job today and found a pc game ive been searching for, for 5 years now and its allll awesomely thanks to zahrah :) bleagh. it was a great day till the freaking people set a 18 year old age limit to sell the stuff and parents not really happy bout my new job.. we even assured the manager bout not backing out and going to back out tomorrow. really dont know how to face him. yeah feeling really pissed off but think bout it, they've got their reasons i guess and also owe pearl for calling and offering me another job opportunity which we are gonna check out this friday, pretty excited
finally finished reading me book last night, on to find a new book :)
tomorrows another day im really lookin forward to, or well, today? and most importantly, happy birthday my dear linda! :D
♥
12/13/2010 03:06:00 AM
Monday, December 13, 2010
I have a favour to ask. If you are going to leave like this, please take all the feelings in my heart as well. -heechul's line sometimes i just wished you could see the pain in my eyes when i smiled at you.
really have no idea why theres so much anger burning inside me right now.. and another thing which kinda sucks is canceling an outing today.. sigh. man. have been sleeping at 5 for the past few days and its gonna kill my system soon.. well, on the bright side, mum helped me tune the guitar and it sounds soo much better now :) but then the bar cords are a little bleagh.
finally cut my hair today and it pretty much left me lookin like a coconut
tomorrow.. plan to pack up my corner of the study room and take a long jog/walk at night to chill and calm down i guess.
man, really hate myself right now.
night.
♥
12/12/2010 04:59:00 AM
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Hiding under my blanket now, sigh. Well tonight has been quite crazy and should really try to sleep now..
Nights
♥
12/11/2010 01:00:00 AM
Saturday, December 11, 2010
not going to cry tonight. keeping everything out of my head...
finally gonna get a haircut either tomorrow or sunday after being delayed for 2 days :) man spotlight hasnt called yet :/ bleagh, perhaps should start considering the other jobs suggested from a friend :/
sigh. heechul :( hope they are feeling alright. its really touching how strong the ELFs have grown :) suju fighting :)
and never forgetting, the thought of seeing them in person with agi is pwetty awesome :)
♥
12/10/2010 02:49:00 AM
Friday, December 10, 2010
great. the mp3 belongs to the music records company thing so now the url is invalid.. back to live version i guess...
arghh. how annoying >:/
can't sleep.. going to switch my com off now, peace.
♥
12/10/2010 01:31:00 AM
silence.
no more.. been suffering from sudden break downs. major mood swings. headaches and dullness. honestly, the holiday spent with my siblings is really helping me block out alot of things but when it hits the night, the mood changes as theres this urge for me to visit my past. well, our time in sc has sort of come to end so guess can't help but reminisce a little. but that little turns into quite an amount as the urge starts to grow.
today's night has been really draining and it all started with one song that got all my thoughts wondering around that mind of mine.
i need to stop.. happy thoughts. tonight im crying, crying for our broken past and present. am i being stupid and pathetic cause i just read the whole blog we once shared. in one post you told me i should be ashamed of myself for being upset bout something. and that even if i go into depression, it will not change anything. soo for that, i will do what you said and stay strong.
but before such just one question to you, right now? how the hell do you expect me to smile at these shattered pieces of glass scattered onto the floor.
each piece represents the memories we once shared and now? its all broken.
soon.
just uploaded the song, used to by daughtry on youtube to get it on the playlist, sweet.
♥
12/09/2010 09:19:00 PM
Thursday, December 9, 2010
crushed..
today. apart from my dog almost dying due to choking...... sort of shouted back at someone and could tell that person wasn't happy. but since its defending my family, its alright, right? and then theres this issue thats seriously bugging the shit out of me but what can i say... then there are issues that came back when i heard a song..
i really can't take it.. going off for a jog. and judging from my poor stamina, perhaps walk.
finally see it.. its all so clear now.
♥
12/08/2010 08:58:00 PM
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
life cannot get any more fustrating.. really worried and frightened.. just talked to my mum and shes right. theres always someone "bad" everywhere.
what if what that person told me a few hours is true.. but i swear if anyone dares to do so, i will personally bash the person up myself. and im not being over protective nor am i joking.. you hurt the ones i love, dont expect to be spared so easily.. what comes around goes around...
secondly... im not racist. nor am i unpleasant to strangers, usually complain or whatever. but once you try invading my privacy when im of all things, bathing....... dude... get a life. every morning my siblings and i wake up to a bunch of men outside our windows (we dont have curtains), staring back at us. hah hah how nice... and a few days back? was rushing to somewhere and saw a shadow outside my window (which we covered with a towel but leaving this gap). then the person stopped moving when i was talking to my friend on the phone and turned off the tap. noticed how quiet the person was so took my towel and what not, covered up and ran to my mum's toilet. and not sure if i saw right but i think i saw someone peeking. im not too sure.. so wont say so much. but bout 80 percent sure.
and another thing? lets just say dreams can haunt you..
have been helping my mum out recently around the house and got to say my dogs seem really dead. must be cause the doors are always closed due to the construction and they only get a chance to smell the fresh grass during the walks. bleagh.... *mumbles* >:( guitar sounds really off and everytime i start playing, keep seein the dudes outside my study room window. poofy.
planning to get a job next week and going to check out 2 job applications tmr, hope it can help earn me some cash and have some time to get away from everything. really wanted to work in universal studios and make the small kids happy but couldnt find :/ bah. but yupp. rightos, a few things to plan and haircut all accomplished by tomorrow.
shall start planning tonight and perhaps have an early night, peace.
♥
12/08/2010 12:28:00 AM
did a few quizzes today, thought it was really cool and pweety reliable, nice.
what your eyes say about you. (dont like the pic though) :/ Ur eye's show u are hiding more then u tell...the scar life has left u with may never go away but it will heal over time
whats your inner self? My Result: A Moonlike Person You hide your emotion sometimes .You are a moon type of person. You tend to be the quiet type or in contrast, you are not happy but sometimes you act it out in order for you to not burden your friends with your problems. You've faced some problems in your life. Your hea...rt has been dealt blows before . You tend to think about things a lot more than other people, and you may get annoyed with people who act out without thinking about consequences. You are also the type of person that others often come to with their problems because you've been through plenty, and you are very understanding. Though you sometimes feel lonely, your demeanor is usually chill, and relaxed. You usually are logical, and rely a lot on facts and information on decisions. You often keep things to yourself. This is just one side of you, and you have different faces in different situations and environments, just like the moon has phases.
on the brighter side :D
South park character: My Result: Butters Stotch You are Butters Stotch. You are the most virtous and kind of all the South Park characters. You are extremely loyal to your friends but you have a tendency to be taken advantage of by others. You are innocent and gullible but good-hearted. Congratulations, you're Butters Stotch.
my lover :Ambitious and Driven Who is your "perfect match"? Your perfect match is someone who values success, is a natural born leader and constantly works hard to improve themselves and their life. They will deeply appreciate your ability to make them feel special. This type of person loves admiration and your giving, loving an...d wonderfully kind nature will make you their perfect mate. Your match also enjoys biking, hiking, working out and eating healthy--taking care of their body is a priority to them and they always look their best.This person will always protect you and keep your best interests at heart- they really want to go the extra mile to make you happy. The top traits they are looking for in a mate is loyalty and trustworthiness.They love a good challenge and are visionaries. This can hinder them when falling in love because they are very driven to find "the one" and won't settle for less. However, once they fall in love with you, they will be very affectionate and are enthusiastic about the relationship.
Are you insane? My Result: INSANE GO TO A MENTAL HOME WITH YOUR GRANDMARA
♥
12/05/2010 11:54:00 PM
Sunday, December 5, 2010
just got this really beautiful quote from celinaee.. If love and beauty were easy to find, they would not exist. Chaos and sadness exist in order for you to find the love and beauty in them. So that love and beauty mean something. It’s meant to be hard.
sometimes i just dont understand some things but bleagh. just gonna take care of my bro and leave late. have been restricted to stay home soo shall spend this time wisely and perhaps pounce around the house with a cleaner in one hand and an iron in the other :) ehhh maybe not the iron but yeah
if you are waiting for me to say something, please tell me.
♥
12/05/2010 01:07:00 AM
the reason why two people don't talk about something is either cause it means nothing or it means much importance to both parties.
just want to run away.
my mood swings are really bleagh. and my ears keep popping, like that feeling you get under high pressure and then a headache just comes along with it. maybe i'm ill or something..
what i really need is just a quiet and peaceful walk with a friend somewhere out there. not needing to talk or anything but just walk. walk on and on and perhaps sit down at a quiet, peaceful spot where we can chat, watch the sunset or just admire the beauty of mother nature surrounding us. that would be so cleansing for the soul.
the days are starting to feel dull and plan to learn more songs on the guitar. somehow when you play, you dont notice how fast time flies by as you have nothing in your mind but that need to learn your notes and play it well. then next week, the beginning of waking up early and helping out around the house. then out i go once again i guess. was scolded and can't help to feel bad.. but guess after this week, wont be goin out much cause need to help out especially after monday due to certain reasons.
please. no more breaking. no more tears. no more dreams. no more headaches.
desperate for that walk.. desperate for a hug.
♥
12/03/2010 10:01:00 PM
Friday, December 3, 2010
someone tell me im wrong.
suffered from a headache for the whole day and spent it in my own world of sleep. so glad to be going out tomorrow. maybe it will help brighten things up.
what really pisses me off is the freaking earpiece being stuck in me itouch.. was using my earpieces instead of the headphones on the plane yesterday on our way back. ended up denting it and when i was trying to fix it and check if the sound was still hear-able when plugged in, the top part of the ear piece ended up being stuck in there. spent the night digging it out till 2am and so far, managed to dig out the steel cover and the second layer. what makes things worst is that i can't take the bar out :( and can't send it to the repair cause eh heh. so now its a mute itouch. can't play music at all or through the loud speakers.. bleagh. at least it still works
if you don't want to accept. hurry reject it. cause im stupidly waiting.
if you think what im doing is stupid then hurry tell me too cause im also still waiting.
everyday im visiting places which continue to remain looking the same. do you know how it feels? waiting for somethings which you don't even know if they will reply you.
sadly, not really much of a person who lets go so easily. and perhaps for that, im just killing myself slowly.
do you know how theres a saying bout how sleep is an escape from reality? its not working. cause even in my dreams they come and haunt me. wake up and just lay there, reflecting on whatever had happened in the dream and relate it back to reality. and even if its a good dream. its always all linked and start questioning why the brain is playing such heartless tricks on me. and thus, theres a phrase i swear i truly detest. how dreams are the opposite of reality..
I would go through all this pain Take a bullet straight through my brain Yes, I would die for you, baby But you won't do the same -Grenade by Bruno Mars
♥
Disclaimer
Welcome to my blog of rants inspired through the scribbles of one's mind.
poem inspired by agatha, alex, celine
i starred at the fan on the celing,
lifting my watch to my eyes.
it was 12 am in the morning.
i looked out of the window
as i admired the clear night sky.
leaving my bed as i started to walk towards the table,
reaching out for that knife which laid there alone.
crying and crying,
as each crystal clear tear fell to the floor one by one.
feeling the fresh, cold blood rush out of my skin.
having its pain numbed by these falling tears.
and therefore. that was when the phrase,
"BLOODSHED TEARS" was formed :D
Name: Ruth Lee
A lost, confused soul wandering around this world with only a stick in one hand and a shield in the other. Birthdate: 21st Feb 1994
SCGS!!!
1PR 07. 2PR 08. 3CO 09. 4CO 10
Red Cross!!!
Fellow member of the CLAN (established in 2010)
Fellow Head of the L.U (established in 2010)
Fellow cactus cadet of E.C.C(established in 2008)
[Evil Cactus Clan]
Overall?
An unusual fwen who is in love with music and is contented with the simple pleasures :)
Pretty much just a lost confused soul wandering around this world with only a stick in one hand and a shield in the other.
But but! If you meet me one day, come up to mua and whack me on the back and you'll get a poke in return :D
but if you whack me when im holding something, expect a whack filled with torns >:)
But honestly?
Hmmm. Lets just say there's more than meets the eye
*grins*
A list of hopes:
chance to go star gazing
chance to enjoy the sunset at the sea side
chance to meet (people) in the future
chance to play lunia with me lunia buddy, wenqian
for both hands to clap instead of one
lots of stuff my dear friend, lots of stuff :) something i know one cannot achieve
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