Welcome to my blog of bloodshed tears..

4/30/2009 08:24:00 PM

Thursday, April 30, 2009

as i open my eyes,
i see this unknown dimmension
surrounded only by dull coloured walls.
trying to run, trying to scream.
but yet i cannot move,
not even the slightest bit.
dark shadows soon emerge behind those walls,
all surrounding me as i stand as a defenceless prey.
there was nothing i could do.
all of them pulling out guns at the same time,
all of them pulling that one trigger left bullets flying in the air.
some miss. some dont.
i cant defend myself.
i cant fight back.
they are too powerful for me, they are all beyond me.
as these bullets shoot through my flesh,
blood slowly trickling down my skin.
how i really grimace at the thought of this.
it hurts thinking bout the shadows.
who made them?
why did they have so many bullets?
thinking why there are so many all in one go.

♥

4/30/2009 12:56:00 AM

you dont know my dear friend. you dont know..

2 DAYS TOOO... CATS!!!! xD

mornin!!! :D

looking into those eyes.
telling it was all mockery and lies.
why wear that face that doesnt even belong to you,
wearing it just to hide from the exposure of light.
why perform such an act when it will bring you no where,
but yet all the way back to square one.
why? why this low act.

sitting on that very hill,
looking into the stars as we gaze upon that shiny moon.
reach out for my hand as i whisper into your ear,
"we'll go back to the place where it'll never end."

♥

4/26/2009 12:46:00 PM

Sunday, April 26, 2009

i dont think i can go any louder.

i dreamt that we talked.
i dreamt that we laughed.
along in that same dream..
i dreamt that you looked away.
i dreamt that you stayed away.
whats going to happen next.
in this life story.
a happy ever after?
or one when it ends off with one suffering inside.
im sorry

♥

4/25/2009 10:18:00 PM

Saturday, April 25, 2009

becoming more and more haunted by this stupid riddle..

ptd.. heh. O.O went there alone at the end of the day anddd didnt really react and feel right when i reached there, heh :S woke up at 9.50am thinking my session was at 10am and after much running from one place to another, found out that the session was at 10.15 after checking the attendance. O.O haha! at least got to run abit eh? :D felt like dying when i was sitting on that cold colddd chair in the hall. ahhh. sigh.

ptd is finally overrr despite how it wasnt really a fun experience.. there are no tests this weekk!!! WOOHOOO so one thing im looking foward to now. CATS MUSICALLL WITH DEARRR WENQIANNN!!! HAHAH!!! maybe i should wear a tux? HAHAHAHH! JOKING!!! joking ah o.O

still remember that moment so clearly..
it was a dark cooling night.
we sat there both alone with nothing much to say.
suddenly i saw something crawling and tiny.
i reached out for the can and squished it.
"mum? do you know something?"
"hm?"
"when you squish a bug theres a crunchy sound, so cool!!!"
"-sigh- ruth, why are you so mean to bugs?"
"what!?!?! it was obstructing my view!"
HAHAHAH!
and yes im a saddist :D

i cant stop thinking, do i or do i not.

♥

4/24/2009 06:08:00 PM

Friday, April 24, 2009

^somehow reminding me of a cat o.O
CLOSER TO CATTTSSSSS :D

AHHHH. ptd!!! ah. heh heh. got to admit im feeling pretty scared :S decided to photoshop stuff for fun to release the stress, haha!!! sorry but horrible photoshopin :S aw man. now xueqi must be comin out of the cinema after watching 17again. AHHH. HAHA!!! aw mannn.

XUEQI DARLINGGGG!!! got rainbow carebear what O.O

jealousy.
this green eyed creature.
its cluthes so unbearable.
escape before its too late.
dont be the victim.

it looks like an advertisment xD HAHAH!

♥

4/24/2009 12:51:00 AM

never thinking that the day would come so fast. is this a sign? is this the truth? how should i answer, ah. i dont know :S

whats the true meaning of all this?
baby come back to me.
ill be every thing you want me to be.
cause you are one in a million

COUNTDOWN TO CATS: 8

morningg!!!! all 3 tests are overrrr xD AHAH!!! but then. this sat is ptd o.O aw man. :S wait. to come to think of it, PTD IS TOMORROW O.O sigh. time passes too fast eh? :S

anyone stressing out over ptd tomorrow or anything in life and needs a laugh, check this video out xD maybe i may make your day :D

AHHH. stomach hurts like hell now...

this may be lyrics from a song or rap but when you read it, dont you feel like its something you always wanted to tell someone, at least once? beautiful and touching song.

This goes out to someone that was
Once the most important person in my life
I didn't realize it at the time
I can't forgive myself for the way I treated you so
I don't really expect you to either
It's just... I don't even know
Just listen...

You're the one that I want, the one that I need
The one that I gotta have just to succeed
When I first saw you, I knew it was real
I'm sorry about the pain I made you feel

That wasn't me; let me show you the way
I looked for the sun, but it's raining today
I remember when I first looked into your eyes
It was like God was there, heaven in the skies

I wore a disguise 'cause I didn't want to get hurt
But I didn't know I made everything worse
You told me we were crazy in love
But you didn't care when push came to shove

If you loved me as much as you said you did
Then you wouldn't have hurt me like I ain't shit
Now you pushed me away like you never even knew me
I loved you with my heart, really and truly

I guess you forgot about the times that we shared
When I would run my fingers through your hair
Late nights, just holding you in my arms
I don't know how I could do you so wrong

I really wanna show you I really need to hold you
I really wanna know you like no one could else know you
You're number one, always in my heart
And now I can't believe that our love is torn apart

I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you 'cause
I wanna hold you,
I wanna kiss you
You were my everything
And I really miss you

I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you 'cause
I wanna hold you,
I wanna kiss you
You were my everything
And I really miss you

I knew you gonna sit and play this with your new man
And then sit and laugh as you're holding his hand
The thought of that just shatters my heart
It breaks in my soul and it tears me apart

At times we was off I was scared to show you
Now I wanna hold you until I can't hold you
Without you, everything seems strange
Your name is forever planted in my brain

Damn it, I'm insane,
Take away the pain
Take away the hurt
Baby, we can make it work

What about when you
Looked into my eyes
Told me you loved me
As you would hugged me

I guess everything you said was a lie
I think about it, it brings tears to my eyes
Now I'm not even a thought in your mind
I can see clearly, my love is not blind

I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you 'cause
I wanna hold you,
I wanna kiss you
You were my everything
And I really miss you

I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you 'cause
I wanna hold you,
I wanna kiss you
You were my everything
And I really miss you

I just wish everything could have turned out differently
I had a special feeling about you
I thought maybe you did too
You would understand, but...
No matter what, you'll always be in my heart
You'll always be my baby

Our first day, it seemed so magical
I remember all the time that I had with you
Remember when you first came to my house?
You looked like an angel wearing that blouse

We hit it off, I knew it was real
But now I can't take all the pain that I feel
Reach in your heart, I know I'm still there
I don't wanna hear that you no longer care

Remember the times? Remember when we kissed?
I didn't think you would ever do me like this
I didn't think you'd wanna see me depressed
I thought you'd be there for me, this I confess

You said you were my best friend, was that a lie?
Now I'm nothing to you, you're with another guy
I tried, I tried, I tried, and I'm trying
Now on the inside it feels like I'm dying

I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you 'cause
I wanna hold you,
I wanna kiss you
You were my everything
And I really miss you

I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you 'cause
I wanna hold you,
I wanna kiss you
You were my everything
And I really miss you

And I do miss you
I just thought we were meant to be
I guess now, we'll never know
The only thing I want is for you to be happy
Whether it be with me, or without me
I just want you to be happy

You were my everything by Aviation

♥

4/22/2009 02:59:00 AM

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

wishin i had a photographic memory :S even if not possible, one that is better at least :S AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

HELENA
315 Good Hermia, do not be so bitter with me.
I evermore did love you, Hermia,
Did ever keep your counsels, never wronged you—
Save that, in love unto Demetrius,
I told him of your stealth unto this wood.
320 He followed you. For love I followed him.
But he hath chid me hence and threatened me
To strike me, spurn me—nay, to kill me too.
And now, so you will let me quiet go,
To Athens will I bear my folly back
325 And follow you no further. Let me go.
You see how simple and how fond I am.

HERMIA
Why, get you gone! Who is 't that hinders you?

HELENA
A foolish heart, that I leave here behind.

HERMIA
What, with Lysander?

HELENA
With Demetrius.

-quoted Midsummer Night's Dream

ahhh. sometimes love makes us go such a huge extent eh? :D
the willingness to go that very extent and give up so much for him or her.
true its easier said than done.
Helena and Hermia went through so much just to pursue their loved ones.
what even one day your love is put to the test. what are you gonna do on that day?

♥

4/21/2009 06:10:00 PM

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

dont forget.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
LIT LIT LIT LIT LIT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
all the best guys :S argh...
-bangs head on wall-

my head hurts so much O.O aw man. headache ah headache, keeps on comin and going :S panadol extra!!! :D gonna take a short nap. then LIT.. kill me. dont get me wrong, love lit and shakespeare!!! but memorisin the quotes are pretty hard especially with a bad memory. aw man.
at least math test is down :S

found the trailer a few days back xD its superr cute! HAHHA!!! cant find the cd to borrow :S somehow bottom looks super cool, HAHA!!! batmannnn!!! and and and hairsprayy!!!! they are super cool larh xD

a night when everyone falls in love at first sight..

♥

4/20/2009 11:30:00 PM

Monday, April 20, 2009

this is not good...

bonjour!!! -bows bows- haha! chinese test down!!!! xD okay.. so math test tomorrow!!! argh. hope i remember O.O still got an essay and a few worksheets to finish!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

AW MAN. i wanna watch 17again!!! zac efron!!! :D HAHA!!! plus theres this other movie i came across!!! DONT LET THE TITLE DECIEVE YOU MAN. although it kinda summarises the whole movie and storyline!!! ASHLEYY!!!! im not crazy for wanting to watch it xD its so tempting!!! HAHA!!! hm. but the thing is that its only out during july!!! AHHH. no fair. heh o.O its comin out next or this week for america i think :S ahhhhhhh. BEYONCE IS ACTING IN IT!!! :D SO COOLL!!! reminds me of how jesse mcartney is acting in avatar too! :D

[trailer]

[get obsessed]

♥

4/20/2009 12:30:00 AM

i salute to you all the way.

sorry wenqiannnn!!!! :S

MORNINGGGG!!!! xD THERES A CHINESE TEST TOMORROW!!! YAY!!! argh. sigh. haha! got a few more essays left to do!! AHHHH. gotta stop getting distracted O.O aw man.

just cut my hair yesterday :S heh. not nice. actually pretty much looks the same but shorter and somehow thinner. HAHA! noticed one thing though. everytime i have a hair cut. every single hair stylist will start of saying, " your hair very thick and puffy" and ends off with.. " see nicer right? when you came in your hair so thick now its thinner!!! isnt it nicer?" and i will alwaysss reply with a forced grin and go." uh huh! *grins* " BUT I LIKE THE FLUFF MAN. sheesh. HAHA! :D okayyy, just findin it a little comical xD yay! :D

tuition ended earlier today. cause of something pretty preatae interesting xD HAHA! well. its kinda serious but still.. CONGRATS LAO SHI!!! :D just found out lao shi runs super fast today. HAHA! :D okay yeah yeah i have no life. heh.

wanna sleep but still got these essays to finish!!! AHHH. then chinese test tomorrow. O.O sigh. feel like drinking coke but dont have :S I LOVE COKEEEE!!! :D but no coke. ahhh. okay okayy. got to concentrate. GOO RUTH!!! woohoo! lets do this...

*clicks post button*

you come any closer. or to them. ill bite your head off my dear friend. *growls* >:(
seriously.

♥

4/17/2009 08:23:00 PM

Friday, April 17, 2009

hellooo!!! :D sometimes life is filled so many mysteries. haha! and im somehow lovin it!!! yet somehow in the same time disliking it. :S

ahhhh. so many tests next week O.O chinese to math to lit. lets do this man. BRING IT ON!!!! :S

somehow cant get sick of this very song xD starry starry night :D its a really beautiful song bout vincent van gogh :D still remember my mum playing this song over and over again in her car a few years back, haha! good times.. gooood times. have always been looking up and admiring vincent van gogh ever since doing a compre on him in primary school :D hes soo cool :D plus this song really conveys a really deep meaning :S its bout how how vincent van gogh's art and character wasnt appreciated when he was alive but after his death, the appreciation of his art grew among the people who once looked upon him as a mad man. he suffered from epilepsy which led him to hurt his friend. But was later stopped in time by another but unfortunately ended up cutting a portion of his earlobe off. With this disability, his unstablity and struggles were then conveyed on his art pieces as the colour of his art pieces became darker and darker, expressing a very depressing mood to ones eyes. People looked upon him as an insane man. a few months after this unfortunate event, he shot himself and passed away.

this is quoted from a website...

" told his brother Theo in one of his many, brilliant letters, maintaining this composure was a constant struggle: “I am feeling well just now. … I am not strictly speaking mad, for my mind is absolutely normal in the intervals, and even more so than before. But during the attacks it is terrible–and then I lose consciousness of everything. But that spurs me on to work and to seriousness, as a miner who is always in danger and makes haste in what he does.” "

♥

4/13/2009 08:48:00 PM

Monday, April 13, 2009

aw mannn. okayyy got to stop eating marshmellows. its so addicting and strawberry-ish xD HAAH! aw man. last one! xD i hunger for macs ice cream.

HAHA! okayy. so its monday. MONDAY. monday. MONDAYYYY. monday. one ordinary little day :] hmmm. ahah! one tip! if you borrowed a book that somehow has a very interesting title, beware man. beware of the librarian and the person standing behind you. O.O had to renew our pw book after school and wasnt exactly a very fun experience with the librarian staring at me wierdly and angrily. and somehow took quite a while staring at my p1 photo on my ezlink. heh o.O HAHA! sigh. hmmm, well imagine standing behind another student and all of a sudden you get bored and wonder why the person infront keeps on fidgetting and moving around. sooo, you decide to peer over her shoulder and see what awesome book she reads and BOOM. your eyes become bigger and strange thoughts run through your mind. and think to yourself, " oh my gosh. is this student metally okay? is she curious or something?" HAHAHHA! aw man... one more tip O.O if someone asks you such question when meeting such circumstances just turn around and tell her proudly, " this is for scientific research!"

HAHA!!!

i love zac efron!!! HAHA! okayy, being random. but its true!!! hes super cool larhh, heh heh hehhh :D lovin this song soo much :]

heyy you gotta admit he is one cool dude. HAHAH! :D
eating too many marshmellows.

♥

4/13/2009 12:37:00 AM

gasping for air.

dear blog,
today was an interesting day. or maybe yesterday. watched my bro play warcraft and played custom game for a while and destroyed all my enemies (MUAHAHAHAHA) while my allies were stuck in their small little base. :S had tuition which didnt really go well but as it went on, wasnt so bad after all. cant seem to forget my tuition teacher's face when she saw my marks. her eyes almost popped out of her sockets. somehow i thought she almost had a heart attack, but nahhh. sigh :S after tuition. AHHHH. yup, stuff. hehe. managed to solve some stuff bothering my mind for the past few days and weeks (OH YEAHHH MAN). drank some beer as in root beer. the one with the kangaroo, it rocks. now, im fighting a fly. how? by frantically waving my hands everywhere and whacking it from left to right. not really a good idea but somehow the only thing i can think of instead from killing it. okay. it just came back. brb gonna kill it... hello! okay just killed it with a tissue box :S (MUAHAHA) so yup, it fell into the pit of doooooooooooooom. HAHAH! sigh. so tired. shouldnt have drank the root beer, maybe it wasnt cold enough? hehe. well. off to bed i go..

WENQIAN
WO ZHEN DE PEI FU NI MAN
amazing.

we all sat around the table as the cards were being shuffled.
watching as the cards are slowly distributed.
slowly reaching out for them.
what cards were i going to get?
there were so many possiblities.
ace? queen of hearts? king of hearts? diamonds?
as i lifted them to my eyes.
there stood only one kind.
the joker.

♥

4/10/2009 10:28:00 PM

Friday, April 10, 2009

growing weaker and weaker as each living day passes by.

went for pw at macs today with constance, maryanne, pearl and xueqi, haha! bought 4 ice creams from macs that the salesperson at the counter stared at me wierdly as i smiled back wierdly at her after ordering another vanilla ice cream :S after pw, went to pearl and xueqi 's church, was pretty fun and awesome and totally different from the experience during 2006 :] haha! this time was no not much jumping and stuff but this time, it was alot more meaningful and deep along with a huge message.

as we all closed our eyes and lowered our heads,
words were spoken from the stage.
talking deeply about the love for the lord.
about how he would always be there when we were down.
helping us fill that hole in our hearts filled with sorrow.
that moment,
all those scenes flashed past my mind.
i felt useless as i held it all within.
all of a sudden someone came along,
asking bout the experience and my feelings.
all of a sudden tears started to gather,
smiling away hoping it would dissapear.
but this strange feeling aroused within me.
i broke down as we said a prayer.
never feeling such a feeling ever before
and yet these little numbered words,
brought comfort to my heart.
-
i took in deep breaths as i rose from my bed.
it was all a dream. yet it felt so real...
"no. this is not true. no. please dont"
tears streamed down my eyes.
"no please dont. are you joking?"
you shook your head.
"im really migrating back home."
"please no."
i cried so hard as my knees fell to the ground.
this is not true, its not real. is it?
"no, no.. this cant be happening."
i clutched my head as you stared down.
"no. this is not true. please dont. will you come back?"
you shrugged your shoulders.
"no. please, please dont go."

this song is dedicated for those people, whom i sincerly would like to say these words to them. just two words. i'm sorry.

Everybody knows that I was such a fool to ever let go of you
Baby I was wrong
Yeah I know I said we'd be better off alone
It was time that we moved on
I know I broke your heart, I didn't mean to break your heart
But baby here I am

Banging on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised and I'm crawling back to you
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was running from the truth and now I'm crawling back to you

I know you're in there and you can make me wait
But I'm not gonna wait
It's the least that I can do, just to tell you face to face
I was lying to myself, now I'm dying in this hell
Girl I know you're mad, I can't blame you for being mad
But baby here I am

Banging on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised and now I'm crawling back to you
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was running from the truth and now I'm crawling back to you

If you could see these tears I'm crying
Touch these hands that can't stop shaking
Hear my heart that's barely beating
You will see a different man

But baby here I am
Banging on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised and I'm crawling back to you (come on)
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in? (let me in)
I was running from the truth, now I'm crawling back to you

-crawling back to you
by backstreet boys

♥

4/09/2009 11:49:00 PM

Thursday, April 9, 2009

today was my chance. should i have abandoned it just like that. all those nights and days i cried for it. yet now that one submission, just one. could change it all.

♥

4/09/2009 10:24:00 PM

congrats fellow red cross runners! this year we did our bestest bestest best.
next year we will do our better than bestest bestest bestest of the bestest best!
haha, lets do this mannn!

i dont know what to say.
there must be a way to remove all this stress.
this pain inside.
its seriously killing me.

one gets angry with another.
for a specific reason which usually causes anger,
even for another party when experienced.
but yet the angery always has to send up falling to her knees
apologising to the angered.
does this make sense?
i ask. does it?

needing to learn how to control my emotions more.

these small things and moments in my life,
are the main reasons why im still standing here with that smile on my face.
but soon will all be gone,
in just one blink.

♥

4/08/2009 11:29:00 PM

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

life is confusing. everythings confusing.
coming and hitting you with different unknown reasons to you.

i cant take it.
i really cant take it.
i dont understand.
why am i so weak.
i shouldnt be breaking down now,
no not now.

♥

4/08/2009 09:36:00 PM

having the feeling of breaking down at any moment.
its too much to hold, too much.

im really really really sorry agatha bout my sudden mood swing.
thanks agatha and jemima for calling me a marshmellow.
thanks alex for the note.
thanks xueqi and zarah bout today, really sorry for being such an idoitic, weak, saddistic and "emo" partner.
zarah, so sorry for not being able to reply the note in time and thanks for giving a listenning ear.
xueqi, im sorry for breaking down all of a sudden nowadays. heh. saying wierd long quotes that sound quoted from a book or somewhere. thanks for those words

i hurt so much to see that look in your eyes.
seeing you look away with expressions written all over your face.
maybe im being wierd and paranoid.
but do you know how much it hurts so.
why did you have to be so perfect?
why did you have to impact such a huge part of my life?
thinking bout two specific people and how they both had impacted my life,
along with how one day i would never be able to see them again.
i never thought it would be you, i never thought that this day would come.
i tried to speak, i tried to solve it by tackling it but still no avail.
somehow i really wonder what is causing this.
remembering how every single moment and time i saw you,
it was always the darkest days in my life.
instead of siezing the chance to catch up and talk like we used to
i will break down into tears infront of you suddenly,
unable to hold it all in any longer
and you will always ask whats wrong.
you were always there till a specific date it all ended.
i always hoped and wished.
i seized my foolishness and all my tears.
hiding it all from you yet you still find out from another.
akways having that smile on your face and that trust that still remained.
presently, its all gone but yet a dream in the night.
but now, im breaking down because of you.
what the hell is wrong with me.
i cant let go.

-

i admit.
many times i was pissed.
many times i held it all in and left it behind.
not taking it seriously but yet leaving it as the past,
never holding any burdens or bringing up any arguments.
maybe its my fault. yeah.
but i doubt you knew what happened that day.
the thoughts and feelings running through my mind.
the day before on how i told you i would support you in your choice.
that very day you just turned your head and looked away.
it felt so different. never thinking you would do so.
i dont blame you at all, ive told you already.
i support you in the decision you make.
maybe due to my doings it had angered you.
but i dont understand what are they? what doings made it this way?
many times i felt the need to tell you many things
but yet thinking about that cold response.
it just haunts me and make me take it back.
maybe you are feeling these are all excuses once again
and may be im actually the one at the wrong and being annoying.
and yes im always willing take the blame.
but somehow watching the videos we made.
how we all had smiles and laughter.
another thought came to my mind.
"why is this going on."
im not pissed. are you?

♥

4/08/2009 12:57:00 AM

seeing those two hated words today more than once. heard more than once. starting to get annoyed.

cant sleep yet feeling so tired and groggy. my head hurts so badly right now. somehow everytime i close my eyes, i see the whole thing play all over again since a specific date in the past.

cant seem to open the emails for the teacher info thing. argh...

anger, sadness, happiness.
the emotions i see from different parties in this very night.

all these emotions we keep it inside, not showing it at all.
keeping a smile on the outside yet so hurt in the inside.
whats the most we can do express and pour our surrow onto our blogs, diaries, friends
but do we take action towards it? it depends on you i guess.

i cant take it anymore.
passing glances to one another.
i know it has been years but,
it somehow feels like yesterday we were still smiling.
just yesterday when you had that sparkle in your eyes.
i got to forget. i got to sooner or later.
heh. self denial
since.

face it ruth. time passes. it just does.

♥

4/07/2009 09:05:00 PM

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

i dont understand how thats linked, let me explain myself.
if you are reading this, its all in the email.

im sorry but i couldnt bear to ask them to go home just like that,
with no chance to try at all.

♥

4/07/2009 05:59:00 PM

the furthest distance in the world is not when you are very far away from the one you love.
but
when you are standing right infront of them and they stare straight through you, not knowing who you are.

just finished essayyy. aw man. my head hurts...

well. isnt this song soothing to the mind? sigh. well, this song pretty much suits the atmosphere right now, hehh.

that anger flowing through my veins.
that pain in my heart.
clutching it tightly and held it back.
at the end is it all worth it?
i ask. is this all worth it?
but theres still one thing that puzzles me.
one thing i have to say.
is it wrong?
if im at the wrong,
i will take the fault and the blame.
but i really dont understand.
please enlighten me.
im sorry

looking into the mirror a few days back.
and thought to myself,
"is this who ive grown up into?"
"is this the person i never wanted to become?"
"why is this person the one achieving all i never wanted?"
"why is this person achieving things i never thought i would have been able to achieve"
"is this the person the one i always wondered whom i will grow into?"
"is this really me?"
questions popping up in my mind.
when you are young, innocent and cheerful,
you live life without knowing whats out there in this open world.
staying in this stress free life with no worries but happiness.
small arguments with friends bout not being each others friends
but turn around minutes later smiling towards one another.
thinking how times lasts forever, how our happy moments will never end.
but as time goes by, we grow up.
we face more challenges in this world.
no longer sheltered with that thought of that imaginary world outside,
thinking it would be the same.
but soon we are proven wrong.
everythings different.
the atmoshphere, enviroment, faces, words, thoughts.
thats when we learn, "time passes fast, too fast."
people say we have to appreciate it,
treasure every moment we've got.
but what if we do? can we still stop time?
no. not even make it slower.

times when we fall and feel the pain.
times when you feel betrayal.
times when you wished for your friends to be there with you.
all passing by quickly but yet somehow remaining in our minds forever.
not forgotten as fast as how time passes by.
what can we do? what can we say? nothing but move on with life.
hurting deep within,
taking actions to forget but yet no avail.
nothing, but that memory flashing past your eyes even more.
having no physical pain matching up to that pain in your heart.
the hurt.
nothing able to reach that same amount of pain.
nothing at all.

fights.
what are these for?
is this a way we humans and living things express our anger?
is this a method we carry out when we are feeling annoyed? disagreements?
must we be programmed to do so?

thinking back on how i never thought i would come by when i was young,
fearing all these cases and things i might get for the outcome.
at the end of the day. i achieve them.
things i hate the most in the eyes of my past self.
but yet. somehow being loved the most by my present self.
lifes a heartless road that we all have to lead.
knocking you down unexpectly and even repeated at the lowest pont of your life.
bringing you up and even more at the happiest point of your life.
expect the unexpected.
unexpect the expected.

peace.

♥

4/06/2009 05:35:00 AM

Monday, April 6, 2009

helloooo. my bed turned into a chair with math worksheets staring back at me.

still feeling soo colddd.

♥

4/06/2009 04:43:00 AM

morning. AHHH. MORNING. sigh.
going insane man, insane. heh.

wellll, yesterday! or yesterday yesterday.. was gold accred!!! :D
PASSED GOLD EVAC!!! WOOOHOOOO!!! :D
haha!!!

this maybe a little inappropriate but but but, suffering from butt ache :S AHHH. since friday after walking out of a room. ahh, that door. that very door. eh. still wondering why isabel said it sounded wrong, HAHA! :D ran out of bengay :S its a super good muscle pain relief cream o.O

sooo, theres school later and got to wake up in bout 1 hour plus. just finished bi..bi..bio. AHHHH.
heh. sorry :S screming too much. so yup :] aw man. cant seem to find the slides on asknlearn O.O hope i still remember the facts later :S argh. bio test later. feeling so so cold. head starting to hurt. ahhh. somehow seeing a lizard staring at me. spooky. :S kk, shall now run off to my bed. change of mind, THIS is the best moment of my life xD HAHA!

aw man. having a feeling that once i close my eyes, gonna hear music from my phone screaming into my ear. hehe

still so so so very cold.

night!

♥

4/03/2009 03:33:00 AM

Friday, April 3, 2009

bed here i come xD hehe! :D

and yes its an awesome moment of my life. HAHA

♥

4/03/2009 12:20:00 AM

i am staring at ants crawl out of my keyboard :S sigh. this is pretty pretty frightening but yet. pretty pretty COOOL!!! xD

aw man, gonna get cranky soon o.O so tired. shouldnt really be blogging right now, heh :] but then taking a minute break before *da da dummm* math. then more da da dummm-s
staring at "key examples". this i not good :S aw man, not sure if i added much in my essay. AHHHH.

going crazy over key examples. and whats worst. seeing a freaking mosquito fly on my keyboard and around my head and back to my keyboard and infront of my face and back to the keyboard.
gonna squish it soon. i swear, you dear bug, gonna be squished soon.

aw man. got to keep awake *slap* ooo! just remembered bout the peach tea i left on the floor xD

ah. its pretty pretty diluted. icy. o.O

♥

4/01/2009 11:03:00 PM

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Happy April Fools Day :]

whats with the hidden mask? why not just reveal your true appearance instead of hidding it behind that mask of lies.

getting a headache and just paranoid over the same thing over and over again every day. sigh.

Lookin' at your picture from when we first met
You gave me a smile that I could never forget
And nothing I could do
Could protect me from you that night
Wrapped around your finger, always on my mind
The days would blend 'cause we stayed up all night
Yeah, you and I were, everything, everything to me.

Chorus:
I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through
And then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe
That there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say
I would do it all again
Just want you to know

-Just want you to know by Backstreet Boys

still waiting for that day to come back once again.

♥