8/31/2010 09:58:00 PM
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
ahh forgot to add in something, something which made today a really awesome day :)
managed to meet alot of me seniors who i seriously miss like mad and a primary school teacher, mrs chia, who i havent got to the chance to find cause the school only calls her back at certain times or when needed :/ forgot to ask how to contact her but really really happy she still remembers me after more than 4 years :) can't believe i ran across the whole level just to reach her, hahah, will miss her and never forgetting, my seniors too :)
happy teachers day.
♥
8/31/2010 09:16:00 PM
just did some editing for fun to get my mind off those stuff.
have been sitting here since 8 plus? and finally done :) feels weird cause used to use adobe but after dropping my laptop and losing every single file in there.. tryin out windows movie maker but adobe offers ALOT more stuff :/
looking foward to tomorrow, gonna finish mua homeowork tonight! need to occupy my thoughts. sigh.
today had its good points as well as its bad points. my mood swings are still going on which are seriously bad. and lastly, starting to lose my tolerance. havent had an appetite to eat dinner for the past few days but ate some veg and fish today after getting screamed at :/ a friend said its ehh. cause the female ahem thing is coming. well, to be more exact. period? we learn it in bio right. so yeah? not too sure.
you've stabbed this knife into my heart once but yet chose to plunge it in deeper today. great.
but on the bright side. might get to see an old friend next week! :) if that is :/
♥
8/31/2010 06:39:00 PM
Why hurt me when I thought you wouldn’t and not hurt me when I expected it.
♥
8/30/2010 09:49:00 PM
Monday, August 30, 2010
honestly? NEED TO SLEEP...
today wasnt exactly a good day.
man, seriously got to stop the sleepless night habit :/ true it feels awesome in the morning but mood swings are getting worst and it was really really bad today. ahhh, im really really really seriously sorry guys
tomorrows teachers day, man. how fast time flies huh.
to look forward or not to look forward, thats the question.
♥
8/30/2010 06:10:00 AM
morning jogs are awesomeee :)
but then.. the cold baths are sucky :/
man, we all got to stop talking bout the seventh month thing, got freaked out so many times during the jog O.O heh? plus didnt expect the market to be closed :/ macs opennin next month!
heh heh! alrightos, fell asleep for an hour and really happy i woke or else i would be dead D: survived and still surviving!!! for now though :/ but then, didnt manage to finish all my work. bah.
alrights, leaving in 15 mins! gonna pack me bag and if possible finish up some math questions before leavin O.O peaceos!
♥
8/29/2010 10:20:00 PM
Sunday, August 29, 2010
is preparing to get fat with 3 cups of coffee and one cup of green tea!!! no sleep tonight!
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *runs into the wall*
sheesh. no sleep tonight! well. can't believe i forgot bout the lit work and emath paper1 and not forgetting the other papers! bah humbug.
alrighto, 3 cups of coffee (1 made), 2 flasks of hot water, one green tea and one apple for the night survival kit!
man this is madness...
♥
8/27/2010 08:17:00 PM
Friday, August 27, 2010
how im feeling and the things one is willing to do. is it just not enough?
was looking at my old pics and came across this...
not just a pic of me in sec1 and during the whole WOOHOO RED CROSS IS THE BEST CCA craze (which isn't over yet! heh heh!), my phone's background in 2007. man i look really weird O.O and still do
today didnt go too well but the thing that made everything feel great again was after the ss mock :) well, apart from waking up and feeling my hair standing out from everyside cause of my fellow classmates who decided to tie not just one but alot of tiny ponytails around my head while i was asleep and even took pics o.o well, it made my hair fluffier after taking it out :) ehh, back to after school, got to watch the red crossers play against the bballers and played one game for red cross too :) somehow everything felt whole again, like. everything felt so great, really really LOVE RED CROSS MAN!!! the game was great :D GO RED CROSS!!!! man, really tempted to play caps ball now :/
alrighto, a whole mountain of work to conquer and still editing something O.O heh heh? 4 more mins and its done! and shall edit the other another time :)
there i saw your one face among the crowd.
♥
8/24/2010 11:20:00 PM
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
taking effort and forcing everything out.
im not going to think.
got to hang in there.
♥
8/23/2010 11:28:00 PM
Monday, August 23, 2010
One week of freedom is what they say. Thee requested for a change and thou has obediently agreed. Let everything leave my mind as my soul wanders aimlessly to find peace and security.
♥
8/22/2010 12:06:00 PM
Sunday, August 22, 2010
when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while, cause you are amazing, just the way you are
:)
ice skating yesterday was funnn, happy early birthday zahrah! :) dinner was pretty cool too :)
can't stop staring at the blister from yesterday's ice skating, bubbly O.O
today is gonna be glue my butt on the chair day! :D then maybe shall take a walk to somewhere :)
alright alright, better go back to math and geog! got to stop laughing at the computer screen, peace peeps!
tomorrows not exactly gonna be such a great day. really not looking forward to it but got to hold everything back. got to control.
when you see me blanked out, either means im feeling tired, upset or something i wanted to block out somehow managed to fight its way back in.
♥
8/20/2010 09:34:00 PM
Friday, August 20, 2010
have not cried so badly for such a long time.
huge thank yous and mega huge hugs to my classmates, especially to agatha, alex, celine and maryanne bout today. the blow is just too huge. each time i receive a new paper, the mark just goes lower and lower and thats not just it. the huge amount of efforts placed into it, just disposed aside just like that in one single action..
i admit i'm weak for not being able to talk bout it or want to bring it up but hey. we are all upset.
mock paper tomorrow with amath peeps in school and mum allowed me to go out tomorrow especially after including how i'm meeting a friend who isn't really in my school anymore. so yup, looking forward to it and im being stupid but blocking out the grades i got and just keeping this smile on my face.
i know i did really badly and feel like such a huge disappointment to my parents, but like celine and agatha said, we will all do this together.
got to regain these pieces quickly before its too late.
It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.-William Shakespeare
♥
8/19/2010 10:35:00 PM
Thursday, August 19, 2010
baby can't you see. you're toxic. a guy like you, should wear a warning
so dangerous..
i'm falling.
:)
the days i still had time for warcraft...
took this pic when i was playin with my bro during the cny period, good times man, great times...
just check out how well i owned them man! MUAHHAHA! *ego moment*
ruts.. fellow mabel's nickname for me :D will never forget the time i got addicted to battlenet, man :/ but now the internet has issues so we are stuck with computers ): wish i could own my prelims just like how i owned the game though. >/
today's mood went from alright, to highhh, to medium to low, to fried to peaceful?
soo if we make a graph for it, it will look like this!
------- /\
-------/ \
------/ \---/\
-- /\ / \--/ \-------- ____
_/ \/ \-/ \/\___/
this is what math does to you? heh heh.
prelims are really urgh... seriously put in alot of effort, well we all did. shallnt talk much bout it but kinda pissed and discouraged bout the grades, especially for maths.. and seriously annoyed when people ask that one single question over and over again, why i did so badly especially knowing the math freak i am. really upset and really don't need anyone reminding me bout it. but still, congrats to all those who improved though :) sigh. whatever it is, its time to pick ourselves up and carry on from there yeah? sounding too positive and easy but we have to right.
feeling alot better after running 2km with zahrah till 8 plus in school? gonna start running maybe in the evening or so after staring at books in study camp starting for today onwards! gonna get fit and lose weight and stop being a chipmunk. seriously looking like a chipmunk with nuts forever stuck in my cheeks :/ but i have my reasons to do so! confident confident >:) for that person, you just wait man! and celine and sarah, just watch me! :D
told my mum bout expecting really low grades for prelims and can tell shes forcing a smile, really sorry :/
hmmm. listening to the radio now and just gulped down a cup of coffee. on to maths! plan to stay up overnight today, and guess what! hope tomorrow goes well :)
4co! we're all in this together :)
♥
8/18/2010 09:01:00 PM
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
feels pretty happy being squashed in the face and hugged by her parents :D
results for prelims were really depressing but hey like they say, pick ourselves up and move on from there. 4co we are all in this together :)
lets do this.
♥
8/17/2010 06:20:00 PM
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
guess i rather hurt than feel nothing at all..
somehow really wishing the lightening just struck me and killed me when i was walking home.
dont blame me for being upset or blame me for being on the verge of crying. theres one thing you need to understand. i'm not that strong.
"just smile." thats all i'll do.
thinking right now. would it be better if i just ended my life story? write the last word in the book and end off with two simple words. "The End".
i prayed.
its was granted.
i hesitated.
now i regret.
♥
8/16/2010 10:49:00 PM
Monday, August 16, 2010
They say follow your heart.But when your heart is in so many pieces.Which way are you to follow?- Unknown got to admit today was awesome but yet my system killed it.
determined to stay up all night today. let the energy to push me forward throughout the night determine something. im being stupid but hey, we all do stupid things are certain points of our lives right?
really need to start on my math, peace.
do you know what it feels like? well, let me tell you. it feels like im walking straight into a wall, constantly banging my head on to the hard white concrete cement. each whack on the head accumulates to the pain felt. not even bothering to turn and go the other direction cause somehow, i believe i will be able to go through that one wall one day. no matter how much my head starts to bleed, no matter how much it hurts, im still walking straight back right into the wall as the open wound leaves blood stains on the clean white wall. let me tell you something. the open wound is never going to cure at this rate but yet me, the idiot, continues to torture myself because of that one impossible aim in walking through the wall. you might say its stupid and why not make life easier by turning. but no. i guess i am retarded after all huh? haha.
guess what. its hurts like shit but i'm just gonna keep walking straight into that wall. no matter the amount of blood trickling down my head, the stubborn me continues to persist.
do you think this is all a game? cause let me tell you something. its not and it will never be.
apart from the gruesome thought. it no use secretly doing something, supporting someone or something. if you are having second thoughts, don't hesitate and just tell the person. this is what a friend recently told me...
"how would you know the person's response if you don't try? and in the future, look back and regret not asking the person. how would you know the person's response won't end up to be what you wanted it to be? and even if it doesn't go the way you wanted it to, you live life with no regrets cause you know you did your best and you at least, tried."
beautiful eh? the power of words. having the ability to cut deep deep within you emotionally and physically but yet leave the strongest and most memorial impact of perhaps, the most beautiful part of your life.
♥
8/16/2010 06:06:00 PM
once again.
a smile does not just play as a mask emoting all your happiness or love you feel but yet, also acts as a disguise towards all that anger and sorrow hidden and stored up within you.
you get my drift?
smell the rain and hear the birds chirping. just feel like lying on the road and just let the rain wash away all my sorrows and frustrations.
urgently needs a break from life.
♥
8/16/2010 01:24:00 AM
still up and feeling dead :/
oh my gosh. "At the beginning" by Anastasia is playing on 95FM and seriously feel like crying... ahhh :/ reminds me of something i decided to post as a fb status.
" favourite words of the night :)
bro: who's that? *stares at the photos in my phone*
me: thats wenqian!
bro: huh? sounds so familiar :/ who's she arh
me: she's my best friend!
bro: ohhh, SHE LOST WEIGHT! *grins*
me: i feel like punching you..
WOVE YOU BUDDY! "
wonder how wenqian is gonna react after seeing that, wonder if she even goes onto fb! hmm :/
ahh. the song really brings back ALOT of memories especially in red cross. sigh.
i seriously miss you guys :(
please dont punch me if i give you guys massive hugs when i see you, heh heh! :) even restraining orders won't make me stop huggin you guys! :D
ahhh. now i sound like a freak teddy bear.
♥
8/16/2010 12:11:00 AM
have a feeling today's gonna be interesting *innocently grins*
heh heh!
♥
8/15/2010 11:59:00 PM
Sunday, August 15, 2010
making another smile gives you that warm fuzzy feeling inside :)
a screenshot of google taken during pacman's anniversary! :D
alrighto. shouldn't be on the com :/ math and amath papers to finish inclusive of tuition work! ahhh :/ but then. math is fun right! heh heh!
hmm. got 2 cups of coffee ready. a can of Qoo and a banana! man, please let this mini survival kit give me the energy to stay up! and if it turns out to be a success, shall take a jog at 5 plus, a scary cold bath and a walk to school! :D not sure if i should risk the night tonight cause got to stay awake for tomorrows lesson. haven't really been able to maintain my attention and awakeness level for the past few days :( and weekdays weren't exactly helpful in recharging my system's batteries D:
somehow not really looking forward bout tomorrow and yet, really interested in the lessons tomorrow, bah. lets wait and see how the day goes yeah?
got to stay awake! morning! :/
on to math! >:D
♥
8/14/2010 02:28:00 PM
Saturday, August 14, 2010
woke up at 9.30 today after hearing "honey" play non stop under my pillow, called pearl and erin back and pretty much overslept and was late for the study group meeting today in school :/
woke up pretty happy and the study group meeting was not bad :D apart from the tiredness :/ but yeah. was planning to reply all the letters i owe when i reached home but something happened halfway which really leaves me feeling really guilty and upset in addition from yesterday's event. but overall, pretty much found out bout doing really badly. sigh.
gonna be holding back the replying for a while, maybe late tonight? gonna take a bath, finish the math papers downstairs, take a break for dinner? then on to biology. its gonna be a long, bumpy journey. and not forgetting, the returning of papers next week. sigh.
but then, huge
thank yous to ashley and celine who cheered me up last night, wove you guys! haha!
♥
8/13/2010 09:02:00 PM
Friday, August 13, 2010
mums not too happy bout oral today, thats not good D:
but then, its my fault and i agree about her points bout the lack of confidence. really sorry mum, i guess i'm not as confident as you ):
could really use a wish right now.
♥
8/13/2010 08:11:00 PM
broken.
messed up to the max. eng oral today was really really bad. heh, seriously got nothing much to say bout it but really hate myself for screwing up the most important english orals.. ended up really nervous and died halfway, argh... it was soo bad till felt chinese orals was really better than today's oral. and my chinese is unspeakably scary o.O feeling really bad, bah. and not forgetting, results coming soon... really scared.
but like they said, its over right? sigh. to my fellow classmates, cheer up yeah? we are gonna own our written papers okay? :) but will admit its not easy to forget bout today's oral..
i've got to admit today didnt exactly go so well but i really owe it to my classmates for cheering me up, really thanks guys :) really dont want to think bout it but like what i learnt, "sit with the pain" and just carry on with life.
i swear i regret not looking back once again.
♥
8/12/2010 10:01:00 PM
Thursday, August 12, 2010
i learnt alot today. ranging from the beginning of the day till night.
english orals tomorrow and shouldnt be thinking so much tonight. please give me the strength to force these thoughts out of my mind, please not tonight.
the examination tomorrow is pretty much the reason why im going to force my feelings out of me and numb everything within for tonight and tomorrow.
peace.
♥
8/10/2010 10:53:00 PM
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
finally made a choice.
seriously? matured much, haha....
really REALLY REALLY F - IN PISSED... HAH. sigh. shallnt be pissed because of what ashley adviced me just now. argh.. gonna keep my word. but seriously, if i find out who are, you guys are seriously gonna get a punch across your faces. hardly get pissed but if you include my friends or my family. you f ing die.
seriously can't CAN'T stand it when others pull my family or my friends into things. hardly get pissed off especially with a pretty high tolerance level but if you include them, you cross the line...
argh.. but still, anger isn't really so bad especially after talking to ashley, really, really really thank you my dear talking buddy :) seriously, from the bottom of my heart, what you just told me a few minutes ago were the words i've seriously been waiting for someone to tell me and it really touches me how you've actually said this and your words are the exact words to fill up the emptiness i've been feeling for the past few days, so really, thank you sooo much buddy :)
well. forgetting bout that bloody thing... today's study meet up was fun :D
and one more thing...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEARL!!! :D thanks so so so much for being there for me since p5! wove you buddae :D loving your blur glasses by the way :)
♥
8/10/2010 08:48:00 AM
blocking my mind off everything today.
mornin world :D
up and excited for later! :D will be goin out with ariel, maryanne, ning zhen and pearl for a study meet up :D but first! branch later! and if we're lucky, get the awesome taste of redident evil's AWESOME graphics! :D shall take pics if i can :) wanna freak them out, heh heh! sounds saddistic but maybe it can help them get over their fear of horror too? *grins*
(and great, it just started raining D: )
havent exactly been able to think properly for the past few days and this is kinda overdue but!!! POC DINNER WAS AWESOME :D can't believe how fast time just whizzed by just like that but here are some pics from dinner :D
and if they look familiar! that means *ahem* wenqian *ahem* stole them D: HAHAH joking arh :D love you bud! but yeah! :) felt really happy getting to see everyone again :) hate my smiles but was kinda happy, ended up smilin in every pic :D something happened during poc dinner and it wasnt really too good. but, still managed to block 96 percent of it out of my mind that night but thinking back, the reason which helped me block them out is pretty much from the peeps in red cross :) and huge thanks to linda and deborah :) really thank you :)
new phone background :)
hahah!!! seriously find this pic damn cute :)
to live by honour and to serve with pride :D
♥
8/09/2010 04:49:00 PM
Monday, August 9, 2010
half my soul has left my body to regenerate after being shot by a bullet.
have been sitting on the floor infront of my bed since this morning. havent left this spot apart from a few hours ago for a bath. heh o.O but yeah.. feeling so emotionless :/
today my sis asked me if i was alright cause she said i seem quite "emo" for the past few days, just laid there and stared at the celing. not sure but really not in the mood to talk or speak. can't stop thinking bout the nightmare i had last night and the dream i had the day before cause somehow, its bringing back both my past and reminding me of things i've been trying to block out. sigh.
right, happy thoughts...
gonna be random cause throughout the day, wasn't really alone in this room but with wenqian's nephew to keep me company, coo coo! :D hahah!
dear fellow ngy, who still owes me an outing *cough cough* your nephew is asking what happened to momo! and he wants to say "HELLO AUNTIE!!! ALL THE BEST FOR CHEM!" :)
im gonna look like a lunatic but we are all still young at heart yeah? heres some shots :D
coocoo waving :)
coocoo sleeping with his eyes open
coocoo trying to bite my camera..
trying to be like coocoo
have a really strong feeling wenqian is gonna scream at me for doing this to him, but not killing him and he looks not bad right!
they grow up so fast :/
♥
8/08/2010 10:27:00 PM
Sunday, August 8, 2010
really really grateful to my awesome buds for today's phonecalls :)
im just gonna smile as i say this but...
you bitch! :D
really, seriously, freaking pissed off, heh. and to add on to that anger since this afternoon's cause, just saw something online. what the hell seriously. the people are no where linked but the topics are somewhat pretty close. doubt they will ever know im referin to them even if they happen to come across this but still.... have you guys ever thought of it from another's point of view before speaking.. never thought such a day would actually come.
but then questioning myself bout you, why the hell should i care yes? you didnt..
seriously...
did some reading and finally came to a conclusion. my dear? things are gonna be different from now on.
♥
8/08/2010 01:13:00 PM
found this really nice quote.. posted it on my facebook and twitter.
"There's a light in your eyes, but it's too bright too see, and a place in my heart where you used to be. I guess I was wrong to believe you were waiting for me, because there's a light in your eyes, but it's not for me."
man, really wished the run was still on :/
♥
8/08/2010 11:40:00 AM
suffering from a bitter heart.
♥
8/06/2010 08:06:00 PM
Friday, August 6, 2010
someone please save me. im starting to skip every song on my itunes as im increasing the volume as i blast it louder and louder. not goood, ahhh. gotta stop thinking...
my blood is rushing faster through my veins which is starting to cause dizziness.. not gooood....
bah. happy national day everyone :D ndp today passed by so quickly and everything was kinda short and its kinda depressing especially from the fact this year is our last year in sc and our LAST ndp in scgs. sigh. but the dancin was fun especially one more thing, I LOVE MY CLAN MEMBERS TO THE MAX!!! *HUGS TILL YOUR FACES TURN BLUE* YOU GUYS! I CAN'T EXPRESS HOW GRATEFUL I AM FOR HELPING ME WITH YEAHH. WOVE YOU!!! but then surprisingly, didnt really get me high like it did last time but then... ended up feeling kinda happy when i reached home :) and NEVER forgetting the card from celine, HAHAH! LOVE IT :D
promos today too, felt great getting the chance to see everyone once again :) can't wait for tomorrow dinner plus the early meet up :) but then, oral practice tomorrow at 8 :S bahh.
after oral pract, went for the awesome clan outing with our awesome amath teacher and it really ROCKED :D felt really tired so was kinda dead, heh, sorry guys :/ but then theres one thing i gotta repeat, WOVIN THE CLAN :D
the pics of last night's clan outing are all finally up on facebook!!! ahhhh eagerly waiting for maryanne and celine to post today's!!!! hahah!
can't wait for tomorrow, another awesome stress free day :D
♥
8/05/2010 10:35:00 PM
Thursday, August 5, 2010
i'm falling apart,
i'm barely breathing..
todays clan outing was really seriously mega awesome but then coming back and with nothing to occupy my head got to say one thing. honestly feeling pissed, crushed, annoyed, suspicious, lost and regretful right now.
it may be pointless for me to say these but really, seriously??? FREAKING SERIOUSLY?!? argh. so pissed off with oneself. sounds stupid yeah? seriously hate my thoughts. i'm even starting to hallucinate and thats not good. not good at all.. and to add on, mood and temper not exactly at the best state. please dont push it.. and not forgetting a math paper, wow. it was really really seriously bad. but its over so lets carry on i guess
prelims are finally over and feeling pretty happy bout getting in touch with my kindergarten teacher who was also the first teacher i got really informal to despite my past fears. really glad to hear from her and we've planned to catch up after my os, haha. we went to watch inception and the movie was seriously awesome and not forgetting dinner too. it was seriously awesome and we should totally have another clan outing soon yeah
after inception thought bout something. you know whats the good thing bout dreams? in a dream, you kill yourself, you just wake up. but in reality, when you kill yourself. its just game over.
i'm on my knees begging for mercy and a chance to set me free. i swear im dying.
♥
8/04/2010 10:20:00 PM
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
maybe a friends right. i got to settle my thoughts and feelings better, sigh.
this week and last week must have really drained all our energy huh :S amath and bio tomorrow, the efforts we've all put in, its just the final lap left soo lets do this!!! >:) *sharpens sword*
well todays been alright i guess. just a little pissing but heyy just a little or maybe pretty much whacked out in the head. tuition and mugging marathon is finally over but yet gotta get back to amath, woohoo :) heh heh, lovee math :) hmm, just hope tomorrow will be alright, good luck peeps! then after tomorrow... clan outings and an awesome dinner to look forward to :D shall be our motivation yeah?
tomorrow, theres just tomorrow left, we can chillax and do this right. really got to chill
theres no way the truth can be disguised.
♥
8/02/2010 06:38:00 PM
Monday, August 2, 2010
despite seeing your smile, the day still felt so empty.
it was different.
math paper, hah... sigh. today could not get any worst. but have a feeling the subsequent days are gonna cut deeper and deeper into my exposed flesh, soon reaching my heart, a point where my heart stops beating and the limit has been reached.
tomorrow my hair shall start looking puffed out to prevent any more troubles. bah.....
really tired. not just physically but both physically and mentally. i wish i could just borrow someone's arm or shoulder and cry every thing out. sigh. well, this sucks >:/
you know what dear person? i wish you knew how much i just want to talk to you, how much i just want to look straight into your eyes, take your hands and promise to be there for you whenever you need me to. but yet, we've never even talked properly before, we never even looked into one another's eyes for more than 10 seconds. what more can i ask for if i can't even set my thoughts right..
♥
8/01/2010 08:27:00 PM
Sunday, August 1, 2010
not exactly the dreams i should be having.
good morning dear world :/
just woke up from a really deep sleep and seriously got to get back onto math. not having such a great feeling. not goood. ahhh, brain feels so dead, really hope it doesnt affect my energy level for tomorrow. please dont D: have been looking so foward to friday and the weekends for pure math mugging but didnt really turn out to be what i thought it would :S and theres another factor which isnt really good. lets just say i really hope it doesnt affect the time management for the papers. for this, really grateful the intensive writing papers are over
but lets do this man! shall exercise for a short while, take a really cold bath due to the rain and then prepare tea, listen to music and enter the wonderful world of math
woohoo!!!
peace
♥
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