7/12/2012 02:31:00 AM




I used to believe in so many things because of you.
Do you still remember such moments, the feeling?

The first sentence you ever said to me with affection which made me rush all the way down to see you? "I wish I could just touch your face."
I can never forget that pain I felt when I saw you cry and look at me helplessly.
Now, I dont know whats going on in your head.

I want to give my love and heart to someone who actually cares. Who doesn't want to run away. Someone who actually appreciates what I do for them. Someone who can actually trust me after dating me for so long. Someone who would never lie or deliberately hurt me. Someone who would work all problems out with me. Basically, someone who truly loves me.

Will you ever get the chance to read these posts all dedicated to you? I honestly doubt it yet will feel amazed that this is where I made my first ever confession to you, leading to that one call at 3am, the night before my GP mid year paper in 2011.
And now? Once again, me pouring my heart to you.
When was the last time you did so?

But yet.
Literally, baring it all out for you to see and read my mind.

Will you ever get the chance to read this? Or will you always be avoiding me and listening to the people around you.
If you feel something, tell me. Call me. Don't hide it from me or expect me to know cause honestly, I will never know unless you ever tell me.
Do what you want to do and dont ever let others help you make decisions and be the judge to something you experienced.

Just like an examination. Or perhaps a holiday you went with your friends or family. No one would know exactly how you felt but you, individually. The people around you can always give you advice and reassurance. But at the end of the day, its your life, not theirs to control. You make the decisions. No one else.

To the girl of my dreams, let your defenses down just for a few seconds and believe when i say, I love you from the bottom of my heart. And i know I can always make you happy if you just trust me.

For now. I'm stepping out of my depressed, pathetic shell.
I'll move. Not remain stagnant but yet actually take the next step forward.

But honestly, since this post is before the next.
If you are here to judge what I said or someone who doesn't believe a thing I say, honestly. Don't waste your time and cancel the tab and do something else online. Every word I say in the next post means something to me.

No one is at fault. Cause seriously, it takes two hands to clap.
So if you want to beat anyone up, you find me. Dont you dare disturb whoever else included in my post. You, face me.

But still, to the girl of my dreams. I shouldn't be fighting or waiting for you to wake me up from this nightmare, I've been injured during the tough battle alone.
From my utmost sincerity, I'm really sorry for all I've ever done to you.
Yes I've been treated badly, but still. I played a part and huge fault in where we are now. I am so so sorry.

Every single word I say, I swear on my life, is a hardcore fact.
Once again, i'm sorry.

If you do get to see this. When I was crying infront of everyone yesterday, all that i could think of was.
Where are you. Didn't you promise to be there whenever I cried, bitch slap whoever dared to bully me? To be there to hold me whenever I felt pain and hurt?
Especially when its usually a rare moment, it hurt even more when it was your own peer and you being the one making me upset.

Whenever I close my eyes, I recall how you were upstairs waiting for me, being right there after I was being scolded by my parents. You were wearing a blue Jacket-like vest, holding me tightly in your arms as I ran towards you and broke down right in front of you. You whispering into my ear that you were right there with me.

And the other scenario during the sleepover which caused the permanent scars. You saw me break down horribly in front of you and you held me tight within your arms and whispered into my ears words of comfort and love. Applying fucicort for me and kissed me to stop crying.

Right now, you are no where to be seen. Not even taking the slightest attempt to protect me in any way possible.

Ps. I meant it when I said, I love you.

And if till now, you can't see how my love for is genuine, that would be really upsetting.
I assure you since the day I said I would always love you be it with or without makeup, with bad breath after you wake up in the morning next to me, constantly pulling the sheets away from, insulting my height and bout loving you till you have wrinkles grow a whole head of white hair, I meant every single word I said. No lies.
-

Need to sleep. Whole bodys aching and visions turning blur..
Good night world.

Whoever wants to clarify anything or accuse anyone of doing whatever, find me, dont touch anyone else..