3/30/2010 10:48:00 PM
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
there are no more pages left to turn, this is the end. the end of the story.
really tired.. heh. but lots to finish tonight. fighting :) well, tomorrows class cheer competition!
GO 4CO!!! WE ARE TOTALLY GONNA OWN!!!
WE OWN THIS GAME!!!!
:D
the excitement yeah? gooo everyone! :D
gonna to be a late night tonight but lets conquer the night :) heh. lyrics by Brown eyed girls, Drunk on sleep, its so beautiful. it really helps to speak one's mind and how things are going recently. maybe sleeping it all away, is one of the best solutions to solve all one's worries?
Like a person that just can't breath.
Like a person who looses their mind.
Several days pass by and this feeling just won't stop.
oh~
As you slowly wake up, your pain is invisible.
But finally seeing the pain in your face.
Makes me weak, and I must sleep.
But we're still hanging on.
Tightly closing my eyes.
A tear rolls down my face and onto the pillow.
Another tear, and then they all spill.
Bringing with them the idea of erasing each other.
Feeling all lonely.
I quietly go back to sleep, but inside i'm screaming.
This idiot has so much more to lose.
Before becoming completely empty.
Every night in my dreams, in my dreams i can see you (see you)
Making me relive the old times(times)
When all between us seemed well and happy (seemed)
I don't ever want to wake up from this dream.
Feeling lonely and sad.
As the tin man in Wizard of Oz.
If you do think.
Unwillingly I will hurt your heart. Mmm~
Just close your eyes and ignore the invisible pain.
Now I see the pain on your face and fell asleep, because I had to.
Tightly closing my eyes.
A tear rolls down my face and onto the pillow.
Another tear, and then they all spill.
Bringing with them the idea of erasing each other.
Feeling all lonely.
I quietly go back to sleep, but inside i'm screaming.
This idiot has so much more to lose.
Before becoming completely empty.
In your eyes the true feelings I see, and bit by bit I go.
I can see you, can you see me?
And I force myself to sleep, I want to, I have to.
In my dream I see you ( and sing for you).
Anything you want in a dream, just say it (say it).
And this fool that all she does is cry and cry (cry).
Do you want to erase him (you could erase).
Then with smiling eyes, I wake up.
♥
3/26/2010 02:25:00 AM
Friday, March 26, 2010
somebody wake me from this nightmare, i can't escape this hell.
sometimes, you look back and wonder what made you change. what made all this to change. who is that one person controlling all of this? our fate. bah. have you ever thought if this universe truly is limitless? have you ever thought if it was possible to change one's fate? have you ever thought if it was possible to stop and rewind time? overall, these questions all lead to you questioning why life was made this way and the possibility to go back and clear all the regrets in your heart. but what if one day, you are given this once chance to clear one regret. will you choose to clear it or risk the possibility to live with more regrets? confusing eh? :S starting to think too much.
lying in bed wondering who it could be.
just managed to hunt down all the emath worksheets so pretty happy right now :D these little things leave such big impacts eh? wonders :) now only left with a letter to finish! *puts on armour* CHARGEEE!
hello! randomness.
meet katherine moennig
and heechul
heh heh, you must think im a freak now.
heh? :D
♥
3/23/2010 10:08:00 PM
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
never did i think it would hurt so much.
looking through me old sony ericson phone sure does bring back tons of memories, tons and tons of it. man, just remembered the love for calvin and hobbes comics :) heh heh!
i ask do you know how much it hurts?
every night when you return from school,
theres always tuition leaving your mind occupied,
but after tuition,
theres nothing occupying your mind any longer,
it becomes free for everything else to rush in.
everything, as in literally.
everything.
laughing at everything you saw,
you soon reached something familiar to you,
something which was sent to you at one of your darkest times.
you lie on your bed at the wee hours of the morning,
staring at your watch as you mutter to yourself,
questioning how fast time flies by and that one hour left for sleep.
you moved your thumb above the tiny analogue button.
beep.
a voice started to play from that little contraption.
every word brought back a memory,
as each tone seemed so perfect.
you closed your eyes as you recalled that day,
you were walking back from a friend's house after a project,
staring at the cars whiz by as there stood there alone,
hearing a familiar tune as your phone vibrated against your leg.
you waited patiently for that one message to download,
soon being struck by shock as you heard another's voice,
increasing the volume louder and louder as you brought it closer to your ears.
you open you eyes and the flashback vanishes.
the voice continued to play as you closed your eyes once more,
letting the voice soothe you to sleep,
lying to yourself that it will all be the same tomorrow,
lying to yourself that nothing had changed.
lying to yourself that everything is still perfect.
there is a saying that goes, if you truely love someone then be happy for that person when that person is happy. jealousy is not always the answer to the situation. but somehow this is really stupid, so idiotic. jealousy, is there even such an emotion? remain numb to that one emotion and that is the key to get through such problems. trust me on that. this isn't love.
♥
3/22/2010 01:30:00 AM
Monday, March 22, 2010
lifes too short to deny how much you mean to me.
really thank you for filling that one hole in my heart that day.
somehow that prayer made a few seconds before seeing you really came true,
the mindset of death and hurt immediately disappeared the moment you spoke.
finally discovering a reason for the cause of this emptiness.
well, march camps over. sigh. inclusive of the arts fest auditions, study camp and not forgetting the march hols. time passes too quickly, too quickly for us to grasp and get that mindset of appreciating the very few seconds given to us. just imagine, everytime you blink, it takes up one second of your life but after that one second, have you ever though bout how you could have used it for something else? bahh. but overall, despite from the camps and lessons we had this week, thought it was pretty awesome and relaxing especially when its away from the textbooks for the time being :)
really hating how dreams have to come to an end. woke up still having that mindset it was real and how i still had to find someone. havent had a dream for a few months and finally had one on sat, beautiful :)
my dear friend i swear you have great timing,
hitting a bulls eye with just one shot of the arrow.
♥
3/19/2010 12:13:00 AM
Friday, March 19, 2010
words cut deeper than the deepest blade.
that feeling. that depression. that cycle.
its all coming back all over again.
hallucinations appearing,
what else is there left to say?
that one feeling of death,
growing slowly within one.
slowly being eaten up both physically and emotionally.
theres no where left to run,
being shot at once from every angle.
memories all coming back one by one,
unsure if it was meant for the good or bad.
all these thoughts and situations,
clumping together, refusing to leave,
rooting deeper and deeper towards the main point,
thus bringing upon that one sharp, piercing heartache,
accompanied with the unbearable headaches and breakdowns.
♥
3/17/2010 02:05:00 AM
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
lloro por ti.
really lost and dizzy.
i beg you.
please save me before i grow weaker.
wasting all these tears.
hating this illness, this curse.
what am i to do with this permanent damage.
i ask what.
its too deep to be cured, to be repaired.
how pathetic.
really hating this.
never released you were playing with my heart all this while.
hating the fact how every song has it.
every lyrics have it.
everything has it.
how is it possible,
that every sad song i hear,
i think of you.
how much more idiotic can i get,
crying every night.
how pathetic, filled along with stupidity.
why waste your tears and energy on this person.
this person who doesn't even know,
who doesn't even care.
two faces,
one who doesnt even care,
and one whom i'll never get to see again.
what the fuck is wrong with me.
each day i just grow weaker and weaker.
why, i ask you why.
why do you have to appear so toxifying.
♥
3/15/2010 12:47:00 AM
Monday, March 15, 2010
if only you did.
big thanks to wenqian, ashley, celine, ariel, agatha, sarah heah, alex, siti, charissa, jia ping, siewjia and jess bout that day. you guys really rock and thanks so so very much.
starting to suffer from severe short term memory plus having diarrhea every night. not fun at all :S
typed this quote last year somewhere on this blog but it just came back after playing sumari warriors with my bro. "shadows are without form, thus without weakness" beautiful isn't it? its from a ninja, hanzo hattori. alike to dynasty warriors, these characters are real and make part of the history, amazing :)
everything i close my eyes,
i see three faces.
these three faces have nothing in common,
no link or connection to one another.
but yet all left that huge impact and pain upon me.
how one just wishes to press a button,
resetting everything and back into the past,
correcting all the mistakes and regrets one holds today.
♥
3/10/2010 08:06:00 PM
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
tired. just so tired.
haven you ever wished you could feel nothing. remaining emotionless no matter whatever pain came to you. whatever happiness came to you. the feeling to never laugh, to never cry, to never love.
what the hell is wrong with me.
why the fuck am i crying.really lost.
walking around this "earth",
reaching for this door and suddenly, poof.
everythings gone.
your vision turns blur
as your mind starts to spin.
falling on your knees,
clutching your head tighter and tighter.
giving out your last cry to this "earth", this "world"
before you fall face flat to this hard, cold ground.
lying there as you remain still.
staring at these tiny ants crawl past you,
not making the slightest movement but the rising of your chest,
having only the condensation of your breath to amuse you.
what a crazy world..
♥
3/10/2010 02:52:00 AM
just drank coffee, cant sleep at all. bahh.
my heart stops, i cant breathe and these wounds will never heal.
press the reset.
♥
3/06/2010 02:18:00 AM
Saturday, March 6, 2010
kept to the deal! :)
welcome to me blog of scribbles.
all the best to those in fdc tomorrow and totally confident you guys will own the court :) fighting!
a little inside joke for the awesome full lit peeps of 4co..
poem inspired by agatha, alex, celinei starred at the fan on the celing,
lifting my watch to my eyes.
it was 12 am in the morning.
i looked out of the window
as i admire the clear night sky.
leaving my bed as i started to walk towards the table,
reaching out for that knife which laid there alone.
crying and crying,
as each crystal clear tear fell to the floor one by one.
feeling the fresh, cold blood rush out of my skin.
having its pain numbed by these falling tears.
and therefore. that was when the phrase,
"BLOODSHED TEARS" was formed :D
♥
3/06/2010 12:52:00 AM
one does not want to love, want to like,
nor does one want to have anything for anyone.
not now, not today, not anytime soon.
having a back voice telling one to remain numb, cold hearted
as she just continues to push her way through the crowd.
no matter how one cries, beg on her knees,
that one possession does not change,
it does not leave.
how one longs for this cure,
this one cure to forget everything,
that one small, simple solution to end her misery.
but yet this one small medication is still undiscovered, undefined.
do you know how one has suffer,
the pain one goes through every night,
just having the freedom to type and nothing else.
one can choose ignore,
trust me, one has tried.
but yet, it comes back to haunt you,
staining that one shadow as it becomes darker and darker each day.
let me tell you something, it hurts. it kills.
♥
3/04/2010 11:01:00 PM
Thursday, March 4, 2010
it sucks how it was the last day yet i never got the chance to see you one last time.
its amazing how i found this pic, HAHHA! brings back awesome memories when wenqian would rub it into my face that she had a webcam but it soon reached a day my sis and i managed buy one and that was when we started webcaming, HAHHA! awesome times man :D
GET WELL SOON LUNIA BUDDY PAL!mmm one more important thing.
THANK YOUU SITI!!! HAHAHHA! LOVE THE POSTER MAN! TO THE MAX OF THE MAX OF THE MAX xD HEECHUL HAH HAH! :Dlifes pretty confusing without a handphone :S seriously hope to get it back soon D:
please i beg of you, just let me free.
you've chained me to these walls,
taped my mouth,
tied my legs,
leaving just my eyes free from any obstructions.
you stood right in front of me all this while,
staring at me straight in the eyes,
both alone in this poorly lit room.
its already torture for one having to face reality,
telling oneself you aren't there
as another part of my soul tells me you really are here.
chained to these walls,
i watched you leave as and when you liked.
sometimes going for long periods of time,
sometimes just coming back to stare.
somehow one part of me never fails to hope for your return,
while another tells me its all lies, an illusion.
remaining chained here till you take out that one key.
that one key which symbolises my freedom from you.
lies, deceit and illusions.
this one key which ends my suffering,
finishing it off quickly instead of having to suffer from this slow painful death.
♥
3/04/2010 01:29:00 AM
ajikdo na geudaereul itji mothae, few words. ive been dying to tell you.
really pissed off after packing the whole pile of worksheets ive been stuffing into my files or fullscape for the past few months. never knew it was so bad, ahh... cant find a few worksheets, so annoying. inclusive of some other stuff which can really make you go crazy in the brain, physically and mentally..... argh.
listening to the instrumental version of "because of you" by after school and its just so beautiful and soothing. the song itself is amazing and the instrumental version is beyond amazing :) once again, its just so beautiful, close your eyes as you listen to the rain drops as that one image and feeling of you, waiting alone recalling how someone you once loved, might have brought upon you both joy and sadness into your life. amazing.
just drank coffee and wasnt really such a great idea. mhmm. have you ever sat down, reflected on your actions and thought if what you did was right or wrong, thinking of those whom you owe your deepest apology to, finally made a decision to do so but yet regret, take it all back due to something that had happened in between? yeah, my sis was right. just feeling so numb this year, feeling so emotionless and heartless. everythings been lost.
everyone has that heart and patience within them but when it hits that one point just like how an arrow being shot, pierces into one's heart. that person dies. and thats when the patience within one dies. never test it.
that moment, just wishing you would never let go.
♥
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